Sputnik

2006-05-15T01:37:00.000+08:00

And yes, once more I find myself writing what I feel away. Its good to have multiple blogs; once your primary blog gets infested with hypocritical comments from anonymous people that are to scared to put their name or just smart enough to use the correct grammar when typing in their insults- well, there’s always this blog to run to.

But I’m not here about that.

Today, when I woke up, I felt sore inside out- it’s a feeling that you normally get after 10 rounds worth of beating in an arnis tournament. After the adrenaline has finally disappeared, your vulnerability comes back with thump that would make you grit in pain. But what’s different about this agony is that it’s not physical…
It’s hard to find the proper time to take a breather. 3 months ago, there I was sitting in my classroom comforting myself to the thought that summer’s the time where I can breathe the free air.

Wrong.

Freedom is a superficial fantasy (that’s my take on it). People want this thing/idea so much but when they get it, its either they don’t know what to do with it or they’re doing the wrong things with it.
Here I am, at the peak of summer, trying my very best to keep a cool and collected front while inside my shell, I panic. I freak out.

I’m running out of time.

Not so long ago, I received a letter from the blue and white. It wasn’t the big white envelope that I was praying my ass off for. Man, that guy upstairs really likes to mess up with me. My options are wearing thin- a week ago, my interview for another university got cancelled because of german measles. I was under solitary confinement for 1 whole week. At the same time, I was unable to take part in the elimination round of the bandfest my band took part in. the band didn’t make it. The vocalist finally left the band.
In one whole week, I watched helplessly how my life took another unwanted turn. Now, fresh off the “bartolina”, I open a door that leads to an empty space. Totally clueless what lies ahead of me; my plans had failed. Even the safeties failed.

I messed up bad.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout the last 4 years that I’ve taken writing seriously, circumstances like these are the most difficult situations to pin down into flamboyant words. It’s my life at its finest and I’m stomped. Too baffled to find thread in the right words to fit the lines.
Now, there are so many decisions to be made, too little time to spare. Apart from that, the delayed feeling of grief and sadness comes crashing down like a flashflood unto me at my most exposed state. Like an amateur boxer who lets his guard down against a seasoned boxer. In a blink of an eye, thunder and lightning came unto the amateur.

Pity, isn’t it? Well, that’s life.

I’m scared. Yes I admit. I’m still standing in the start line while all the others are in the opening stages already. I don’t know which way to run my ass off. I don’t even know if I still have the strength to lift my feet. Once more, I’m humbled with these things happening to me. My lack of foresight and maturity has led me into such a mess. Overdependence led me to this.
It is in these times that I just want so badly to regress to the days where I still wandered the halls of that school. How things seemed so reassuring, comforting, and worth-while.

How I wish I can sit for a while and breathe..

Hard Drive

2006-05-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

Recent Posts Below.

If you read this journal,

even if I don't speak to you often,

post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want,

it can be good or bad,

just so long as it happened

Please put your posts in the comments box, not on the tagboard! haha POOOOOST!

Bandido Gig Sched! Please watch!!! It would mean a lot if you could!

May 12 - Baywalk, Manila (60s theme!)

May 16 - Makati Sports Grill (tentative)

May 17 - Metrowalk @ Ortigas

May 18 - Rockwell / Greyhoundz Album Launch @ Paskong Pasiklab in Commonwealth!

May 21 - Eastwood (80s theme!)

May 28 - Padi's Point @ monumento with Sugarfree!

end of all things

2006-03-12T05:52:00.000+08:00

its probably been a long time since i last posted anything. here and in my lj...

its been hard to find the right words of what i felt recently, with all the impending changes... all the problems i'm about to face and well, the greif of being left behind.

i started this school year with hopes of having some sort of change in me when the year ends. i yearned to learn something, something that would make me stronger, and wiser- a recipe to deal with things maturely. perhaps, i got more than what i bargained.

i've experienced a lot of new things in my life this school-year, especially in school. because of the fact that i've been quite detached from the normal social circle that i move around in- the life i had/have with mio, the katipuneros, etc... i started to spend a bit more time in school, thinking that since its my last year ever to dwell in those walls as a student, i better not waste any more time just doing nothing.

it was a risk.

after all, mio's leaving too. and the uncertainty of his coming back is still big. i certainly hope with all i've got that he does. 10 years of investing memories, emotions and all that is something i can certainly not give up just like that. it's hard, yep i have to admit that. it's really hard to see the one person that's not your blood that you treat just like your blood, to start turning around and walking away from you and towards that door, where the light comes from. and as he leaves, the door closes, leaving you in alone in that darkness. it's been a constant dream. something that never failed me to feel a chill. waking up in the dead hours of the night with a cold sweat. being left by someone that meaningful to your life can be the saddest and loneliest feeling you'll ever feel. for months i've been experimenting different methods on trying to lessen the pain- a remedy of sorts that would numb me when its time to see him of in the airport, which is by the way the loneliest place in this good earth. i got depressed, i shed tears, i failed to eat, i couldn't sleep... but the worst thing that i could never forgive myself is that i ran away... i failed to realize that in these last months, i should've been there and not away. regret is such a pain in the ass. but, just like she said, 'don't grieve over something that hasn't happened yet. you're denying everyone, including you of enjoying the remaining moments that you should enjoy'. thanks for always being there.

i've never been close to my school. i've never experienced being chums with my religion teacher, with our section's wing's janitor, the level leader, and the counselor- not until this year. perhaps its part of my own personal closure. i wanted to feel my school. i wanted to really have something to grasp when everything gets rough. i've never felt the things i've felt here. the bond, the company- its just so different. i'll never forget it.

some wise sould taught me this this school year- the past is there for you to look back on, but the present is there for you to live in. and in all things, the future is there for you to look forward to. thank's for always reminding me to always live in the now, and not to cling to forever.

thank you.

come to think of it, i owe a lot of people an explanation. for all the cryptic conversation and for all the unsaid things. yup, you're one of them kid. god, you have no idea how i miss you and your company. i'd gladly give anything for that walk to gate3 again.

music, as i've always believed, is a key to people's hearts. and it hasn't failed me. this year, i've gotten to know almost all the other people i've never really gotten close with. thanks to music, the same passion that burns deep within them, it provided us a common ground- something to start with. as time passed, other commonalities showed up and the bond just kept on growing stronger. just when i thought i was about to prepare myself to be alone, i wasn't anymore.

now, i am technically not a high school stundent anymore- practically one step away from being a graduate, one week away from temporarily (i hope) losing the physical presence of a brother from another mother, one month away from saying farewell to a guiding light and a year away to the promised land.

for once, i was able to withstand not being involved in a matter of the heart- a flame of sorts. i was able to shield myself away from that inevitable pain. i've kind of accepted the fact that i'll always be the one that gets left behind by the breeze when it comes to this department and its okay. i guess its my fault too- i could've done something to sweep her off her feet, but perhaps it wasn't in me. perhaps there's nothing really there for her to feel, or perhaps...

i'm still scared...

one day, my time will come, be it by an irregular circumstance or not, i'll take on it.

here i am now, absorbing all these facts, facing different levels of being left. but hey, i'm still alive and kicking, right?

all that i was, all that i am right now, and all that i can and will be tomorrow... i owe them all to you guys. thank you.

2005-08-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

Spent would be one word to desrcibe what I'm feeling right now. I can't believe it, UPCAT's finnaly done. The pieces are already set and now all I can do is to keep on doing a better job with my grades and hope that I make the cut. A few weeks from now will be another test that would dictate my future, ACET. Take note, Ateneo and UP are the only 2 schools that I applied for for college. If I don't pass both, well, we'll see what happens haha.

There's something bothering me, haunting me wherever I go, asleep or awake. It's become a behemoth of sorts, a towering monster of memories and emotions theatening to drown me at any given moment. It's scary because I'm really feeling tired of all the masquerade that's been happening. It's hard to look happy when you're not and it's tough to feel you're alright when you're actually not. I tend to become a very emotional person when it comes to things that mean a lot to me; to the things that I keep really close to my heart. That's more or less why I can't really make my brain work properly with this clogged right smack in the middle of my pipes. I have to get this out of my system before I blow up and bid sanity farewell. As dear'ol RJ would say...

"Oh the pain" "Oh, the rupture"

2005-06-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

There's always a point in time that you practically run out of things to blog about for weeks and weeks. Crap, its such a waste because when you're in the mood to type, you can't seem to find something blog about and you search your brain endlessly for something to blog about.

I guess I can say school's been alright.. Met up with a lot of my friends, CAT was fun actually. Tiresome but fun. I'm just a bit ashamed of my stature (cadet) since its another potential bully-liability for my wonderful sibblings because they were all officers back then. Pweh. Sometimes it just really sucks to have so many brothers. haha

Once more my fortune (if that's what you can still call it) hit the same note. I got in one of the noisiest sections in the batch, possibly even in the whole highschool because our batch's the noisiest batch. HAHA Tough luck, once more, the daily big time sermons and delays with the lessons reunite with me. Yep, tragic, eh? Not that I'm saying "Oh God, I'm in hell, please save me!" My classmates are actually okay. But grouping us together under one section's just plain stupid I guess. (sorry for the lack of term) Maybe its a good thing I'm not an officer anymore. It's not my main problem anymore if the class is in deep shit.

On that note, I'm kinda missing that sense of importance and responsibility though. Do you ever get that feeling? That whenever you get sermoned, well when your section does, you feel that the initial part of the blame's aimed at you. And that it gives you this insatiable desire to stand up and speak up. Or that whenever the class president's being called out, I sometimes find myself kinda standing up automatically and all. Its just unusual since I've grown to get used to it so much that whenever that happens, the first thing that comes to my head is "Shit, I wonder what's happening?" There goes my greatest annoyance. BEING LEFT IN THE DARK.

Okay, lets face it. We can't really know everything that's happening around us. But when you know something's up, and its being kept purposely away from you is just outright f*cked up. Seriously, I think that's rude. I'm guilty of the same charge sometimes so I guess its quits. What I hate even more is when people whisper in front of you and then giggle at the same time. OH GOD! I want to rip their heads off!!! Get a room or something!

Wala, its the same old story folks, drama drama drama, its getting a tad bit too bland writing about the "long durations of sadness" (as Mio would have it) aka depression. That emotion can be seen in every blog. Trust me. And besides, what's the point of flaunting that you're depressed, right? It's not like a miracle would come crashing down to you and God would smile upon you to give you your most precious desire. TSSSS crap.

Religion class was interesting earlier. Our teacher and I got tangled up between the discussion about Socrates' take on what is right and what is not and also the Machiavellian principle. Actually, I do belive that good and evil's only a point of view. Sometimes you have to do a little evil to achieve a great deal of goodness. Take the Muslims and Christians during the time of the crusades, both of them were fighting for that they believe is right. No one actually has the right to dictate what is universally right and wrong.

Well, that's just how I view it..

2005-06-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its just better to say nothing at all because saying something will only make you say what you're trying so hard to keep inside.

2005-06-10T16:46:00.000+08:00

The first week of school seemed to be like a stoll in the park and a slide-show of hell for some reason. My adviser was funny, he's nice and he's already quite used to our section's behavior. Oh yeah, our class would seem to be the noisiest section in our batch (wow, something new! RIGHT) as some of our teachers would care to claim. As espected, the things I've left behind during the summer came haunting me back as soon as it got a chance to. If I continue to keep on indulging it, I'd end up being a real jealous person. It would seemt that most of the things that I've aspired from the start had been slipping away one-by-one for me. Nevertheless, 1 more year, as I've promised myself, after I graduate, I'd leave everything that's around me behind and start all over. Sure, there are a lot of wonderful things to be remembered here, but at the same time, there are a lot of things as well that would leave me staggering for comfort whenever those things brush through my mind. I'll talk more of this later..

Anyway, as I've been saying earlier, school's been a mix of heaven and hell. I never thought that I'd actually want to crawl back to my 3rd year history teacher and beg her to teach us Economics. It would seem that our Eco teacher this year doesn't know to do anything except to teach Economics, express her opinions exessively and descriminate us. She always, always, ALWAYS finds something to pick at us! The way we sit down, the way we write, the way we stand, even the way we look and how we blink our eyes. Geddemmet. People like her should be chopped-off limb per limb then be burned in hell. Can you imagine, first day na first day, nagbigay kagad ng Homily! Talo pa niya yung nagsesermon sa El Shadai eh.

This other heavy feeling was lifted off my shoulders just today- earlier today actually. At last, I finally escaped elections. I lost the presidential elections. I really didn't want to be an officer anymore, but there's still a part of me that still called out and be one one last time. Of course, I was a bit disappointed I lost, rest assured, I was still okay with the result because I lost to a better man. That's how everything goes I guess, when you lose, it would mean that the person that won's a better man for that aspect. As the basketball commentators say "The ball doesn't lie" haha labo. Anyway, I guess one good thing to think of whenever you don't get your way is that you always do get things your way, although not in the form you expected it to be. That's why when you get it, you're confussed, baffled and disappointed with it. That's why the thing that we should do is to make the most out of what's given to us. We really can't whine and cry over spilled milk because that won't bring the wasted milk back. Move on. Those are the 2 words that we should always keep in mind I guess.

But then again, moving on can be the most difficult thing to do. Being the humans we are, we don't let go of things easily; especially if its something that you desire and hope for the most. Desire is a very elusive thing. You would think that that's all there is to it, but sometimes, what you desire isn't everything at all. Perhaps that desire becomes something when it has managed to crawl up to the center of your self, successfully manifesting itself on everything else that you do, making it unbearable for you because you don't have it with you.

Ganito pala talaga, nakaka-baliw kasi di mo alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa kabilang kampo; pag nangangapa ka sa dilim at pag ayaw mong maniwala sa binubulong ng sarili mo sa isip mo. Mahirap palang maging humble at maging kampante sa kinalalagyan mo. Mas lalo ka palang lalabas na talunan kasi mas-inclined kang maging passive kasi wala kang paunang intuition sa kung anong nangyayari kaya't di mo alam kung kelan at papano ka kikilos. Ewan, mahirap talaga kasi lalo na pag alam mong ibang-iba yung mundong ginagalawan ng bawat tao, iba ang klaseng kapaligiran na bumabalot sa kanila kaya't minsan talagang nakaka-ilang talaga. Minsan gugustuhin mong sumuko kasi parang wala naman talagang nangyayari. Pero pag pasuko ka na, parating meron kang maaalala na pipigil sayo sa pag suko. Siguro mahina lang talaga ako sa ganitong mga bagay at baguhan lang talaga ako sa ganito. Pero, pag natapos na tong yugtong ito, ayoko na talaga.

pweh.

2005-05-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

pweh. no matter how hard we try to deny it, we are all living in a user-friendly community.

We all do this for our own self-serving purposes. It's always me, me, me, and guess what? ME! As long as someone is of some use to you, you keep them close to you, but when that person breaks, or becomes useless, he/she's as good as trash.

what a sad, tragic world we live in.

Its another whacked-up cycle where when the taker sees or obtains something/someone better; someone that serves his/her purpose better, you're gonna be discared like an obsolete pc. Yup, to the store room, you go, or worse, to the junk shop.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint and I don't use people. Well, as a matter of fact, I AM. In fact, I have horns as long as any other's horns. I guess that's karma for everyone, on the house, alright. Ack. Such is life I guess. Perhaps in order to survive, you have to feed on someone.

Right now, I'm feeling really really pissed because for one, the internet's too damn slow its taking ages to open a page. Another reason would be, USERS! ack. SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!

TSSSSSSS.

Wow

2005-05-20T04:09:00.000+08:00

May 18, 2005 is probably one day that I would never be able to forget my entire life. The album launch of Greyhoundz is something that I can never forget my entire life. Our band, Bandido, played in front of the biggest crowd any band our age has ever played with- 4000 loud, wild, crazy and music-hungry people.

They were a tough crowd to please as Nino said they would be. They can give you the legendary “Keso” chant, something that would kill your band and shatter you to pieces because they’re cheering for another band, Keso, a band that’s one of the best bands nowadays in the Philippine Music Scene. They can also curse you and throw stuff at you until you went down the stage.

It was a good thing that the crowd liked our music. They went wild as well on our set. They crow-surfed, moshed like hell and went crazy while we played. The feeling that I had when I was standing there in front of those people was something that until now, I can’t still decipher. For some reason, being in front of them, being on stage, gives me some sort of power- an authority of some sort that overwhelms me. I had been very nervous when we started playing because before that night, the biggest crowd we’ve ever played for was 150 strong. As the set progressed, I, along with my band mates found ourselves loosening up and loving the moment.

It was a really inexplicable feeling. The rush that I felt even after our set was something I can never forget. Its as if I itched to go back to the stage and played some more.

The funny thing was, some time before the launch ended, Mio and I were walking around and then some people can to have their shirts signed. This was something entirely new for us. Overwhelmed, but disappointed not to have pens with us, we walked on. People were also calling out our band’s name and giving us a sign of approval whenever we walked around. They really did like our sound, which makes me feel relieved because a few nights before that I was really scared that they might not like how we played.

Of course, thanks to the houndz for giving us the opportunity to play during their album launch. It had been a really memorable experience and a really great exposure for our band that would probably help us get really somewhere in the future. That was the only event I could remember that I had been able to play with a lot of really known and respected musicians such as Kapatid, Radio Active Sago, Mayonnaise, Kampai and Sabon.

All in all, all that I could really say is... Wow.

Plugging

2005-05-17T02:41:00.000+08:00

I don't think I'd ever be able to set my eyes on a more magnificent book than these:

God, these books had really been the best books I've ever read. The way Lean Hearn had depicted the setting of the story would capture its readers and make them want more. The story itself is very interesting as it proves to give really interesting twists to spice up the whole story.

I managed to get a hold of the third installment, Brialliance of the Moon, 3 days ago and I was able to finish it yesterday morning. I got quite depressed and melancholic because the whole saga has come to an end. It's been a really fun time reading the books and I was left wanting for even more. I wonder if there are other books out there that's like these. Of course, there's still James Clavel's Shogun, Tai Pan, and Gai Jin, but the Tales of the Otori just seem to shine in a different way. In away that's more subtle, but more attractive.

*sigh*

***********

Huling hirit, COME AND WATCH! It would mean a lot for the houndz if you would come and watch! :P please do! It's gonna be a blast!

2005-05-13T08:18:00.000+08:00

Everyone! Please come and watch! It's gonna be really fun!!! =P

====

Last night was alright =P We had a gig in baywalk, a 60's theme gig, so we took it to ourselves to dress 60's. haha Mio looked like a cross between Pepe Smith and John Lenon. Yep, eat those brownies! =P HAHAHA I on the other hand looked like NPA. haha Hippie Rebel? Nah, hair's too short, and I wasn't stoned anyway. haha FaaaaAAAArrrouuuuut

===

I finished reading the 2nd book of the Tales of the Otori: Grass for His Pillow. God, its really nice. Right now, I'm craving for the 3rd book, Brilliance of the Moon, but, I'm broke!!!! demmet. Lian Hearn did a really good job building this atmosphere of Japan during those times where the warlords still existed and fought for land and power. And I really liked the way how she presented what would probably be Christianity in its early form in Japan, the Hidden and their secret God. I also liked how she depicted the problems the society faced then, how a commonfolk would treat an outcaste and how warriors hated people from the Hidden because of their beliefs. And last but not the least, her combat sequences were really nice!

After I read Brilliance of the Moon, I'm gonna finish Shogun, that I promise! haha I got lazy the last time I attempted to read that book, I didn't really like Blackthorn. But, the book, as people who have already read it said, has really depicted the Japanese culture then.

I want Brilliance of the Moon!!!!

Support OPM/Pamileeee

2005-05-08T11:52:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention,

If any of you are interested to grab a copy of Greyhoundz's newest alum, Apoy, you could order from me! =P I'm helping sell the album, or you could always grab one from the nearest record store!

Support OPM! Do not pirate pinoy music!

Please come and watch their album launch as well, on May 18 in Paskong Pasiklab, Commonwealth! (9:00 pm)

Bandido will be playing there too! Along with other bands such as Radioactive Sago Project. Please come and watch! =P It's gonna be a real blast!

====

Oh goodness, I love our house pets =P Right now, we have to crazy pets, both of them are dogs. One's a golden retriever, his name is Boggart! haha I'm proud to say that I'm the one that named this cute, yet sometimes insufferable furry/hairy fellow. My dico brought him home one day sometime last year. He was really scared then, he was in a new territory with unfamiliar people, he didn't even move from his place the whole night, he kept sitting there the whole time. I felt a bit bad for him, feeling quite alone out there, so I stayed out with him. It was a good thing that he was there in the living room, I was able to sleep in the couch.

Now, long after that night, he's been very lively. He and his play ball are almost inseperable that if you try to keep it from him, he'll be barking all day and night until he gets it back. If he knows you're the one that kept that ball, he's gonna be at your neck and he'd be hiding your slippers and be misplacing your socks. Yep! That's how playful this dog is. I sometimes find myself wrestling with this dog when I'm really bored. He's really really nice and he never bites.

The other dog, a puppy technically, came a few months ago, in replace of our old dog that passed away, Brianne. Her name's Tala, a French Poodle. Alright, before you make conclusions and say that all poodles are mean, this one's a keeper. She's like a living cotton ball. Whenever she runs, she bounces like a cotton ball getting dragged by the wind! I swear she's really adorable! Well, maybe except for those times when she's fresh from the vet and newly shaved. She looks like a living lollipop! Yep, like dogs her breed, she's very matapang; she barks more often than Boggart does. And believe it or not, Boggart's scared of her! haha, it would seem that Tala's the bigger bully since she's the one that keeps on gnawing Boggart whenever they play.

Because of these two dogs, getting stuck at home isn't that bad at all. I mean sure you'd run out of books to read, run out of shows to watch, get bored of using the computer, but you'll never tire from playing with these dogs! Yep, they're simply the best! =P Right now, it would seem that Tala has a cat for a lover! HAHAHA They sleep in the same bed at night and whenever its chow time, she always, always waits for that cat to come and dine with her!

I think I still have that curse though, that whenever I'd approach cats, they'd scram that very moment. Yes, I admit I was extremely mean to cats when I was a kid. I had that hidden bloodlust to make fun of them when I was young. It's a good thing I outgrew it though, I can't imagine myself putting cats inside jars for a week anymore. (but hey, I only did the jar thing once) Someone's gonna kill me when she reads about this part. I can tell.

=====

Another thing, I never realized how big our family has become. haha

that's my family. Yep, with the newly-weds; my sister deza (the one in pink on the left) and Arvin (the one in red above my sister). They got married last March.. during my prom. I wasn't able to attend. I feel bad in a way but it's alright, I wouldn't want to miss something that I would really regret as well. Next year, my eldest brother, eric (the one in yellow on the right) will be getting married too, to ate Aimee (the one in white below him). It's a good thing that the'y get married around December! =P At least now I don't have to worry about going to my grad ball next year! haha

God I look like I lost my eyes in this picture. haha

I wonder who's next after my eldest brother? HAHAHA Patay tayo diyan.

2005-05-08T02:26:00.000+08:00

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

Heavy Metal: Highest Influence

Hair Bands: High Influence

Progressive Rock: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Medium Influence

Alternative Rock: Medium Influence

Classic Rock: Medium Influence

Punk: Medium Influence

Ska: Medium Influence

80's R&B: Low Influence

Adult Alternative: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #4 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #5 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

Taxi In the Philippines

2005-05-07T14:28:00.000+08:00

I went with my brother to go mall hopping earlier for his last minute shopping for beach clothes. Damn it's so hot! Parang ipprito ko ng buhay pag naglalakad ka sa labas! Rar.

Anyway, in the cab on our way home, I was kinda falling asleep already because of the heat and everything, then I heard one of the most hilarious conversations ever. You know how these cabs have those walkie-talkie thinamajiger? Well, here goes:

*radio talk*
cab driver: ano ba to? animol o animal?
head quarters: baka alimall
cab driver: taragis! san ba yan?
head quarters: sa cubao, sa may araneta. nasan ka ba?
cab driver: sus ginoo! umabot kami ng maynila eh.
head quarters: teka, san mo ba dinala?
cab driver: sa manila zoo, akala ko gusto ng animal eh.

damn. hahaha I'm willing to bet the passenger was a foreigner or something. haha

2005-05-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

Yep, I think I did jump into conclusions that I was ready to close some stuff in this point of time. I guess Sabs and Klar was right about that part. It takes a consistent, concious effort. That's something that I'm not yet willing to give for that matter. Somehow I still want to feel the pleasure of that thing, but the shitty part can really take its toll on you.

Anyway, moving on from that, I was in Katipunan yesterday, like any other day I guess. Nino gave us a talk about how Bandido should really push through with the EP. So far, we already have 5 songs. 2 of these, "salamin" and "sandali" are already being used in our normal gig line-up. We were supposed to play the 3rd song during the Freedom Bar gig last Tuesday, but then again, it got cancelled because Freedom Bar didn't have electricity. The 4th and 5th are already done as well, the only thing left to do for these two songs is to fit the lyrics in the riffs. I never knew that when you record for an actual EP, recording for a single song takes around 2k! So, given that we push through with recording our EP, we'd be spending pretty much around 10k!

Holy Gulay.

But, Nino said that those expenses are well worth it since the EP would be a very useful bargaining chip to get more gigs. Because when you have an EP, the producers themselves would be able to hear a sample of your band's sound and all. Which makes it really easier since that's a more dependable alternative than having to rely solely on hearsay or whatever. You might be wondering though why spend 2k for a song when you could just record your EP in a home studio or something that wouldn't cost that much. According to Nino, if you're going to do that, you'll be doing a demo cd, not an EP. Because that 2k per song thing makes a whole lot of difference because the of the equipment that you'd be using to record would be if not the best, the one of the best. Aside from that, you'd have your songs recorded with the help of a very able tech, who plays a vital role in making the sound of your records really tight.

So, given that we are able to race around 10k by the end of May, we could be able to release our EP this May. Anybody there kind enough to pitch some cash? HAHAHA

I want to watch Star Warrrrrrsssss!!!

Okay, Mio's into house music, I have to find something too. HAHA

I wonder how it really was during the ancient times. I want to get a first hand experience on how life was during the time where the Egyptian Civilization was the most powerful civilization, or how it was during the time of the Roman Empire, when Octavius ruled Rome and when the whole Tokugawa Era took place in Japan. Oh yes, of course! I'd want to know how it was during the Mongolian Empire! I've heard so much from people on how mighty that Empire was. Word has it that a trader would be able to travel the whole of the Mongolian Empire without worrying of getting mugged. Tigas! Imagine how scared the people were to defy their ruler, the Khans.

Looking back, especially when you take a closer look at the architecture back then, I can't help but think that the people went to some sort of amnesia. The hight, the majesty, and in the intricacy of the temples, and sacred shrines during those times were incomparable. The structures nowadays would seem like child's play for the architects during those times. I wonder what happened...

Nawr Sulleeeeeeeeh

2005-05-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

So much for having that high and praising God for having that Epiphany. Clarity lasts for only a moment. After that, you come crashing back to the ground. And you realize, there wasn't an epiphany. You still feel the same and you're still you. Somehow, it's stuck in my system. And it won't leave you no matter what you do.

IF you try to forget it, leave it alone or something, SOMEHOW, it manages to get a hand at you. You can't seem to distance yourself from it. Instead, it grows on you even more. Just when you think its over, it starts to get even deeper.

IF you try to saturate yourself with it, i grows deeper! The heck! Its as if there's something that keeps you unconciously tied to the feeling. There's nothing you could even do to stop it.

The thing that sucks when closure loses its grip on you is that the feeling you had before you got closure comes slapping back with 10times its normal intensity. Meaning, the feeling of liking her returns 10times stronger, the depression you get from it returns 10times stronger too.

Pusang Ama.

What do I need to do to get this over with?

2005-05-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Okay, I don't know what happened. The clarity that overwhelmed me a couple of days ago when I had that Epiphany was gone. Now, everything's slapping me right back in the face. It feels great and annoyingly painful at the same time. So, I guess I should take back everything that I said in that previous post because, its all coming back to me and the feeling I had back then was a thing of the past already. Man, this thing is so unescapable. Whatever I do, it just stays with me. I know its getting bad, and its strating to destroy me. But, I don't know how to do away with it.

Space Travel and My Epiphany

2005-05-03T15:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I packed my space suit and went to Katipunan for lauching. I was off to embark on a journey to outerspace and into the deepest reaches; Pluto! I met up with Anon Magsaysay, and Miguel de Quiros, my fellow travellers as we make our final preparations before heading to our shuttle, the MRT.

And so, we took our shuttle ride to the Planet Saturn, which is known by its inhabitants as Makati. Having to stop over there to wait for the Plutonian convoy, our team tagged along with EJ Atilano, a fellow traveller, seeking passage to Pluto as well.

And so 10 minutes after we settled down, the Plutonian shuttle came, with the Plutonian, Yeni Raboca, on board(haha peace tayo!) Having boarded the shuttle, we still waited for other fellow travellers, Pael Supangco, Arvin Salvador, and Mirei Ong. So, as they joined us, we set out on a 4000000000000000000000000000000-lightyear journey to Pluto! =P

We passed "Moonville" "SunValley" And "Barangay Milkyway" Ayos ba? hahaha

Anyway, enough of that, I went t0 Paranaque with DQ and the others to watch their band practice. I hope they do well later! =P

Anyway, around 5:30, the ambassador of Planet Earth transmitted an intergallactic holograpich message that I have to return to Planet Earth ASAP or else the Embassy's army shall be sent after my head.

(This is where the Epiphany started) Along the way, I had lots and lots of time to think. Well, aside from learning how to actually commute to and from Paranaque, I've had lots and lots of time to analyze my actions and whatnot.

Now, all I can say is that I feel as if something heavy was lifted away from my chest. I feel...free, lightheaded and happy. The scars of depression has finally left me. Now, I feel revitalized in many ways. A fool, yes, that's what I was back then. I still am now, but I was just too plain stupid back then. I wasn't in control of my judgement and emotions. I kept on following my heart without having any consent from my mind. Following your heart would lead you to a lot of suffering if you get blinded by its promises. I'm not saying its bad to follow your heart, what I'm saying is it's bad to follow only your heart. That's why you have a brain, kiddo. "Think before you act" Follow your heart, but think with your brain. USE YOUR BRAIN.

I think this whole experience I had for quite some time had been very fruitful to say the least. I've been able to change my self from a useless bum to someone that can take harsh realities better. Although a lot of pain and suffering came along the way, the whole journey was worth the cost. I can say that I'm a lot better a person now than I was a whole year before.

I'm now closing this chapter of my life, and ready to start on a new one, just like what I did a year ago, when I decided to take on this path. Now, I will do it once again to seek for greener pastures. Focus on the things that I'll be needing more.

Romance can wait. I have all my life for that.

2005-05-02T10:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a whole month now, and I'm still stuck with my glam music phase. Maybe it's not a phase at all. I love 90's music so much, especially Guns n' Roses, Skidrow and all the other bands. I really wish I grew up during those days, it would be so much fun!

Mio's back from Boracay, which means Bandido's back with a full roster for the May 3 gig in Freedom Bar. Please come and watch! We'll appreciate it very much if you guys can come! It's in Anonas Complex! I think Mayonnaise and Fuseboxx will be playing there too, along with those Emo bands that we got to play with in Rizal Ave. Yeni's band will be playing too!

Arg my room is such a mess. I haven't been able to fix my things lately, its either I'm asleep, busy using the computer or out of the house nowadays. So much for thinking I'd be rotten at home. Well, at some point I was, okay. So, I guess I'm done having my fair share of lonely days and nights. HAHA what a term.

Alright, since Mio posted this on his blog, I think it won't hurt if I did the same haha

GIG SCHEDULES! =P Please come and watch us!

May 3 - Freedom Bar, Anonas (Anonas Complex)

May 12 - Baywalk, Manila (60s theme!)

May 16 - Makati Sports Grill

May 17 - Metrowalk

May 18 - G4 Makati

May 21 - Eastwood (80s theme!)

May 28 - Padi's Point, Monumento

So much for me and Mio thinking that we'd have no gigs at all come April. We didn't really expect to have so many gigs for April and May, moreover, we never did expect to make it in Pulp's campus and bar tour! Somehow, I can now say I'm living parts of my dream. I wonder when we could start recording though, everyone's been asking if we had cd's or something. haha I feel bad whenever I say "wala pa eh, we don't have that much songs yet to record an ep" Well, that can only mean one thing, to the drawing board, boys!

So far, we've got 2 originals down, the 3rd one is nearly finished and we have 2 new riffs to process. So, given that these go without any interruption or any problems, we might be able to start recording an ep within this month! Yahoo!!!! I kinda want to hear us also play. I've always been curious at how we fared.

Wow, its really quiet right now. It's usually noisy here at home.

Oh I know why, I don't have any music on. Hahaha

Okay, first of all, I don't believe those quizzes I took were accurate. haha Hot my ass. I'm not fishing, I'm just being truthful, ISSA.

I wanna watch Marty Friedman's guitar clinic! It's on the 26th in Hardrock. Arg, MIO! RYAN! PAENG! LET'S WATCH, DEMMET!

I have the wierdest body clock, I swear. I don't sleep at all. Well, I don't sleep during sleeping hours. haha I even catch Sam going to sleep nowadays, back then, I'd always, always turn in before she does. haha Now, she's the one that turns in first! haha Some achievement, huh?

Who wants to watch Starwars? LET'S WATCH!!! I wanna see if the fight scenes are better and if that Anakin actor can actually act now. God, I swear, eversince Darth Maul left the story line, the fight scenes sucked. Well, how he and Qui Gon died sucked too. They should get a better fight scence director if ever they decide to do the 3rd saga, which is the continuation of Episode 6. When Luke Skywalker was the head of the Jedi Order. Okay, I'll stop now.

2005-05-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

this has got to be the most kick-ass smiley ever.
Posted by Hello

2005-05-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Writer
You will be worth	$112,324
Everyone will think you	are really hot

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Aba. gaguhan na ata to eh. haha

2005-04-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	ten!
your best quality is	youre hot but modest about it
your worst quality is	you want what you cant have
this is because	youre unique

Quiz created with MemeGen!

The hell.

1-2 punch!

2005-04-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

Si Onyok Velasco, Jerry Penalosa, Luisito Espinosa at Manny Pacquiao. Sila'y mga taong nagsisilbing mga huwaran, mga idolo, at mga nagdala ng dangal sa pangalan ng bansa natin ngayon. Dala nila ang pangalan ng ating bansa sa kanilang pagtapak sa ibang bansa, sa pagsabak sa boksing.

Tila ang boksing na ata ang pinaka-maimpluwensyang uri ng palakasan dito sa bansa. Marahil ay ang sanhi nito ay maaring ituring kabahagi na rin ito ng ating kultura, at ng pang-araw-araw na buhay. Ang karaniwan kasing napapa-subok sa pagboboksing ay ang mga nasa probinsya at kapos-palad. Sila'y may kani-kanilang mga paraan sa pag-eensayo. Minsan nama'y mayroong mga mabubuting loob na siyang tumutulong sa mga nagpupursiging mga boksingero sa kanilang pag-eensayo. Isa na lamang sa mga halimbawa nito'y ang isang dating boksingerong naka-tira sa Bacolod. Siya'y nakapag-pundar ng sapat na pera upang magpatayo ng mga gamit pang-ensayo sa bakuran ng kanyang bahay. Ang lugar pang-ensayong ito ay bukas sa kahit sinong batang nagnanais na matutong magboksing. Maraming mga batang nagpupunta dito araw-araw upang mag-ensayo. Ang may ari naman ng tahanan na ito'y hindi kasi humihingi ng kahit na anong bayad sa mga nakiki-gamit ng mga pang-ensayo. Para sa kanya, sapat na ang makitang ang mga batang nag-eensayo rito'y unti-unting nahuhubog bilang isa sa mga maaaring magiging pambato ng ating bansa sa hinaharap.

Ngunit, kailangan nating tanggapin na ang palakasan ay di napag-tutuonan ng pansin ng ating bansa. Maraming mga dating atleta na naging matagumpay sa palakasan na ngayo'y naghihirap na. Kakulangan sa pondo at programa ang naging rason para dito. Sa kasalukuyan, wala pang programa ang pamahalaan para sa mga dating atleta ng Pilipinas, kulang rin ang pondo nito para bigyan ng pa-sustento ang mga atleta ngayon. Dahil dito, marami sa kanila ay naghihirap dahil sa puspusang pag-eensayo ngunit wala naman silang natatanggap na sustento mula sa gobyerno na siyang magagamit sana nila para sa kanilang mga pangangailangan. Sabi nga nila, kung susukatin lang sa sipag at tiyaga, marahil ay ang mga atletang pinoy na ang mga pinaka-magaling na atleta sa mundo. Nagkatalo raw talaga sa pasilidad at sa pondo kaya't heto't napag-iiwanan ng ibang bansa ang pilipinas sa palakasan.

Totoo nga na ang palakasan nalang marahil ang isa sa mga salik na kung saan nakaka-sabay ang pilipino sa ibang mga malalakas na bansa. Napatunayan ito sa pagtagumpay ng mga atleta nating sina Pacquiao at Espinosa na kung saan sila'y nakikipag-sapalaran sa ibang bansa, tinatanggap ang hamon ng ibang lupa upang ipagbunyi ang karangalan ng bansa sa pagpanalo sa boksing. Tunay ngang karapat-dapat silang ipagmalaki. Dahil kahit sa dami ng mga balakid na siyang humaharang sa kanila, tinahak nila ang daan na alam nilang di isang biro at sila'y nagtagumpay sa larangan na ito.

Sa Wakas Natapos Rin!

2005-04-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

a.) Post the names of 20 of your favorite musicians. (I copied Sabs' format since that one's more suitable. haha)
b.) See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
c.) Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.

1. Incubus - When It Comes (Miguel de Quiros)
2. Racer X - Fire of Rock (Ryan McCoy)
3. Dream Theater - Solitary Shell (Mio Paredes)
4. Silverchair - Emotion Sickness (Anjo Castro)
5. The Dawn - Harapin Ang Liwanag (Anjo Castro)
6. Metallica - Until It Sleeps (Ryan McCoy) [damn, i really love this song!]
7. Wolfgang - Center of the Sun (Sam Monzon)
8. Guns n' Roses - Paradise City (Ephraim Leynes)
9. P.O.T - Panaginip (Miguel de Quiros)
10. Thursday - Standing On the Edge of Summer (Miguel de Quiros)
11. Liquid Tension Experiment - Paradigm Shift (Mio Paredes) [obviously may tama ka. haha]
12. Joe Satriani - Love Thing (Ephraim Leynes)
13. Steve Vai - The Crying Machine (Mio Paredes) [yes, the rocky theme song! haha]
14. Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover (Ephraim Leynes)
15. Sugarfree - Limbo (Miguel de Quiros) [tama ka na!!! hahaha]
16. Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (Ryan McCoy) [one more for the whiteboy redneck!!! hahaha!]
17. Cardigans - Your New Cuckoo (Issa Perez de Tagle) [ayos ah, isang hulaan lang!]
18. Rage Against the Machine - Sleep Now In the Fire (Ephraim Leynes)
19. Razorback - Minsan Lang (Mio Paredes) [i looooove this song!]
20. Happy Meals - Of Lovestories and Car Crashes (Sansan Vazquez)

Wooohoooo! Ayos! =P Thanks!

2005-04-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

Ohh, so paparatzi's the one that said "Rock music is the devil's tool". tsk tsk. haha Sorry, got that term from Mio. Alright, let's be respectful, Pope Benedict XVI.

Nothing happened last night. I swear!

Damn, I miss having brainfarts. haha

Oh, I'm such a copycat. haha I got these when I was blog hopping. haha

if i were a month, i would be: december! chritmas means gifts! nyahaha
if i were a day of the week, i would be: friday
if i were a time of day, i would be: 4pm
if i were a planet, i would be: pluto =P
if i were a sea animal, i would be: shark
i were a direction, i would be: forward
if i were a sin, i would be: lust
if i were a historical figure, i would be: octavius
if i were a liquid, i would be: extra joss =P
if i were a bird, i would be: a tucan
if i were a flower, i would be: a sunflower
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: sunny and windy
if i were a mythical creature, i would be: a unicorn! (god, how gay can i be?) no really, a wyvern
if i were a musical instrument, i would be: a guitar
if i were a color, i would be: white
if i were an emotion, i would be: depressed (EMO!!! nyahaha)
if i were a vegetable, i would be: baby corn
if i were a fruit, i would be: an avocado
if i were a sound, i would be: the sound of the final bell for the dismissal on the last day of school
if i were a song, i would be: mr.big - green-tinted sixties mind
if i were a movie, i would be: untouchables
if i were a book, i would be: across the nightingale floor
if i were a food, i would be: PANCIT CANTON!
if i were a dessert, i would be: halo-halo
if i were a place, i would be: a beach
if i were a material, i would be: pen
if i were a taste, i would be: sweet and bitter at the same time
if i were a scent, i would be: an open green field untainted by man
if i were an object, i would be: a doormat
if i were a body part, i would be: a heart
if i were a facial expression, i would be: a lop-sided grin
if i were a subject in school, i would be: free time

>top 3 fictional places you want to visit:
1]valinor
2]willy wonka's chocolate factory
3]minas tirith

>top 3 existing places you want to visit:
1]buckingham palace
2]oxford
3]tibet

>top 3 weapons you want to master:
1]katana
2]bow
3]quarterstaff

>top 3 bands or musicians:
1]steve vai
2]dream theater
3]mr. big

>top 3 instruments you want to be good at:
1]violin
2]guitar
3]piano

>top 3 songs that you love right now:
1]mr big - green-tinted sixties mind
2]dream theater - another day
3]until you suffer some - poison

>top 3 super powers you want:
1]the force!
2]flight
3]invisibility

>top 3 foods you could eat everyday for a year:
1]pancit canton
2]maki
3]sashimi

>top 3 writers or artists you like:
1]tolkien
2]lian hearn
3]james clavel

>top 3 books or comics:
1]shogun - james clavel
2]tales of the otori - lian hearn
3]sandman - neil gaiman

>top 3 comic strips:
1]calvin and hobbes
2]pugad baboy
3]kingdom come

>top 3 cartoon shows:
1]looney toons
2]transformers
3]voltron v

>top 3 movies you love:
1]my sassy girl! wahhooooo
2]the untouchables
3]lord of the rings

>top 3 cartoon characters you'd like to be:
1]optimus prime
2]dexter
3]hajime saito

>top 3 movie charcters you'd like to be:
1]aragorn!
2]rocky balboa
3]captain jack sparrow

>top 3 people(dead or alive) you'd like to have coffee and conversation with:
1]tolkien
2]ninoy aquino
3]miguel tinio

>top 3 occupations you'd want to have:
1]samurai warrior
2]astronaut
3]musician

>top 3 quotes or sayings you like or like using:
1]"f*cker"
2]"Aha!"
3]"right"

>top 3 fictional monsters or creatures:
1]dragons
2]chimera
3]unicorns

>top 3 beverages:
1]iced tea
2]beer
3]iced milo

>top 3 flavors of ice cream:
1]very rocky road
2]avocado
3]cookies n cream

>top 3 things you do when you are bored:
1]write
2]discman/walkman
3]sleep

>top 3 things you have to have with you:
1]guitar pick
2]pen
3]paper

>top 3 animals you'd like to have as pets:
1]a white lion
2]an eagle
3]a wolf

2005-04-22T03:28:00.000+08:00

Damn, that's a bummer, my tagboard broke down on me. Oh well, at least that gives way for me to change it! =P I've been curious about this other tagboard fat too long! Now I shall use it! haha Cute kasi eh!

I am now back from the state of wierdness and girlyness (as seen from previous post), nevertheless, I spent the rest of the day sleeping because of this really throbbing headache I managed to get. Pweh. Annoying, I wasn't able to go to Mio's place and jam with him and Ryan. They finished the song we were making. Ayos lang, Bandido finally finished another song too! *proud* haha

Nishiki is such a wonderful restaurant, that I can assure you. You'll get your money's worth whenever you eat there, but then again, I don't know if that's true since I don't pay when I eat there! =P Some lucky bastard I am, right? One thing I can genuinely assure you is that you'll sh*t in your pants so bad because the food there is A*W*E*S*O*M*E. Yes, they do!

Mr. Big is such a nice band =P, thanks to Sabs, my head's stuck with songs from Mr. Big such as their all-time greats like "To Be With You" "Just Take My Heart" "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" "Baby, It's A Wild World". I can still imagine Paul Guilbert and Billy Sheehan with their super long hair, and tight jeans singing the lyrics of To Be With You in their video. Man, that's a keeper, alright!

Another band that's morethan worthy of recognition is POISON. Oh, God, they are so good! I don't think I'll ever get my mind over "Until You Suffer Some" and "Every Rose Has Its Thorns".

How I wish I grew up in the 90's! I'd probably be wearing those tight-fit blue jeans, high-cut leather boots, belt with big buckle, denim vest with checkered longsleeved shirt underneath, PERMED HAIR, and of course bandana! Yep! Panalo yan. haha

Enrolling could be such a hassle sometimes, especially when the line for your registration card is as long as the line for the jackpot game for lottery. Damn, its such a drag that you'd rather stay home and rot all day sleeping that sit your a** there in school. Tsch.

You guys should buy this game called "Freedom Force" Its a game where all the characters you use are superheroes. Yep! Sobrang kengkoy niya na tatawa ka lang habang naglalaro. Even the voice over is so funny that you might have a hard time trying to keep your game face on while listening to the dialogue!

Must get better playing arcade basketball! =P

Being broke can be such a hassle. You can't go out that much if you don't have money since your movements would be somehow limited. Arg.

I've been having these wierd/amusing/strange dreams lately. haha I don't want to share the gory details though... Its quite... nevermind! haha

alien encounter

2005-04-20T14:56:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored at home. i had to stay alone today because no one else was left home and i thought mio got angry at me because i couldn't go to valle but then mio asked me out to dinner. well well well i'm bored out of my wits. i watched hide and seek the other day in powerplant with carlo, sha, yeni and danie and that movie just wouldn't leave me alone. it's weird. ack. what goes on in the mind of a teenage boy anyway? some people say only one thing goes on in our minds but i don't think that applies to me. ratzinger. i'm actually a conservative guy, come to think about it. what do you think? am i conservative? the new pope is conservative. i'm optimistic about this new pope even though people have doubts about him. haha weird i'm having a heat stroke i'm starting to talk like a girl. actually i'm not really me. the person who's typing this entry is not me.

it's hard being the youngest child, because everyone gets to order me around. my brother wants to get lots of girls pregnant all over the world so that there will be tolentinos everywhere but i hope he's joking because that's not really a nice thing to do. i give myself permission to delete this post as soon as i come to my wits because the summer heat is really getting to me i'd better stop before i appropriate any more damage to this blog.

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

Chorus

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

2005-04-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

Well well well, back to a boring summer. Dammit staying at home can be such a drag that bumming around isn't funny anymore. The weather's awfully hot and you've got nothing to do but to sulk and rant about how lethaly boring summer is. Dammit dammit dammit. And the wost part of it is of course... *drum roll*

I have no money.

Oh yes, the pains of being broke. Holy gulay. This why sometimes I'd prefer to have school, at least in that way, I get to have a constant flow of allowance. When its summer, its like you're left alone in a vast desert with no water, no food and no companion but the hot scorching sun and the burning sand.

Come to think of it, I'm getting sick of a few things again. But, I'm not about to enumerate them again. Bleh, I hate this, for like a week, there are only 4 people that I constantly get to talk to, you guys know who you are anyway. Its a good thing they talk to me. haha Or else I'll be damned here.

Stop! In the name of love! hahaha

Consequences

2005-04-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

Alright, now I've accepted the fact that I won't be able to go to Bora, I'm staying up, thinking of a nice scheme to waste my time here as I rot back here in Manila while my friends party hard in Boracay. hahaha dammit. Can you still make out the trails of spite?

Anyway, I'm gonna write again! =D I'd probably start with that story that I've discussed with some of my friends. It's an interesting one since its the first time I've ever done something like that. This would be very timely since Bandido won't be recording any time soon since we've agreed that we let our songs ripen first before we actually record them. Anyway, Bandido has 2 more new songs well, their lyrics and melodies are done, but we haven't tested them yet. Hopefully the rest of the crew likes it. I can get really really pessimistic about the stuff I write when I show it to other people because I always have this pretense that what I write isn't good enough for their standards. I've always been scared that I won't meet the standards of other people or that I won't be able to please them. No matter how hard I try to press the thought that I can't please the whole world in my head, I just can't seem to not not care. Whenever I know someone's displeased with me, I can't focus well. Especially when its someone that I hold dear; I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't function well. Oh well.

And so what if I tell you I need you.

God, that line's stuck in my head and I don't know where I got that line. haha Wierd alright.

So its true, nothing in this world is constant. Seasons change, trends change, attitudes change, people change. What's sad is that most of the time, when people change, they change in a fashion that you can't grasp. Something that makes you grow apart from them. You try to mend the wounded bonds you have but then again its already over even before you even noticed that problem and the wounds.

Looking back, I don't know if I'd been fair with some people. I can get really vengeful at times, and quite unreasonable. I'm stubborn to admit my mistakes and especially when I'm in a furious state, I become sanctimonius and step on other people.

I create my own problems. Blargh

Anyway,

I LOVE SKID ROW!!! Yeba!!!!

Earlier today, I was snooping around the attic when I ran into a gold mine! 3 shoe boxes of CASSETTE TAPES of Glam bands!!! Woohooo! I'm talking about Guns n' Roses, Metallica, Skid Row, JON BON JOVI, U2, Dream Theater (Well, they're prog though. haha), POISON! hahaha

Thanks Ryan for lending me your tape player. Old-school! haha Cd-players suck, walkman's the shizznit! hahaha

I got scared with what Sha told me earlier. Yeah, I think I'm nearing the stage where I'd be walking on thin ice. I can feel it too. I don't want to take the plunge. I know for a fact that the water down there's chilly. And I've been there a lot, I've drowned a lot, and I don't want to go back there. Maybe it is better after all to step away. Now, when there's still time to turn away from causing more... uneasiness. There never was much hope anyway.

I'll just focus on the things I do. I don't want to think of this because I know that my logic would soon be overrun by my heart since I know I want this. But hearts are blind. They follow impulses and sometimes they can't decipher which one is false and which one isn't. I'm scared to let my heart rule me and follow false impulses. I know I will because that's what has always happens to me. I get too destroyed and shattered after i find myself out of that pit, and back to the ice.

After all, I'm proud to be a flower. (I'm not gay, dammit!) haha that flower thing means something else!

I'm afraid to say that....

nevermind =P

Haaay, somewhere in between the lines, I feel like I don't belong in this... society I live in. I feel that my eyes are betrayed by the smiles and laughs that I see. I feel like the warmth I get is.. superficial and not at all genuine. I keep on thinking that some of the people around me wears a mask to hide what they really feel. I can almost feel the wind as they close their doors on me. Especially in my darkest hour, when it comes. That is why I have to learn and depend on myself. After all, they are right, in this world we live in, there's nobody you can trust and depend on, there is no such thing as a true friend. You can only trust in yourself. But in some twisted and demented way, you can't trust yourself too. Because in the end of all things, your only companion, and your only true enemy would be yourself. But then again, how would you eliminate yourself without eliminating... yourself?

I'm scared to find myself one day where all my friends start turning their backs on me and close their doors on me. I know that this scenario will always be a possibility. Nothing si constant about our future. We make our own deciosions, therefore we make our own paths and future. But I'm still scared of facing that time when it would seem that the night would never end, and that the sun would never shine on you.

This is what boredom does to you.

Only a re-do. Guess!!! =P

2005-04-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

Okay. I feel bad that I didn't do a good job with the desciption thing. I'm gonna redo it again.

1.) I used to hang out a lot with him especially during grade school. Together with our other best friend, we were an insperable trio. Yep, wherever we went, we were together. He was always there when I had problems and I'd listen to him rant about his problems too whenever I'd stay for the night. He reminds me so much of Ben Stiller because they have the same behavior and the same goofiness. Everyone falls for him too, its so funny sometimes that when i introduce my crush to him, they fall for him right that moment. *Sigh* Its such a shame we've grown apart.

2.) He's my mirror image. We used to fight a lot back then. All day long in school we'd always find something to argue about. He was my playmate with that pokemon game in gameboy when we were in 5th grade, we'd watch dvd's in his house all the time. He's the other member of our old trio, yep, he introduced me to KAFE, and the world that I'm now living in. I owe this guy so much that I don't know where to start thanking him. Yep, he's probably numb from all my ranting about some stuff. Yep, we're both closet drama kings! He has the coolest family too, made of really great people that have a lot of insighful things to say. Yep, he had the best surroundings to grow up with, and I'm not having a single regret about getting to know him.

3.) He used to be my twin, then became my father. Yep, he split up with my mummy and got tied to another! But my mummy now's better! haha =P he most probably won't be able to read this but he's one of the best people i've met too. He's a great companion especially when you're alone, he's very reasonable whenever you confide in him whenever you have problems. He also gives out the cornies jokes known to man. But sometimes, when he's mad, his anger gets the best of him. But this one's a sweet chum, especially to someone he loves. He'll go at any length just to be with that person that he really loves. Yup, mummy, you should be proud! =P

4.) I would never ever let anything bad happen to this person as long as I can do something about it. I owe this person so much because she had a lot to do with the improvement of myself from being such a lazy bum to actually a responsible person. Sometimes, whenever I'm asked to say what I want to say about this person I'm lost for words because its hard to pin down in words how she makes me feel. haha I've had quite a lot of crazy memorable moments with this person and I'd gladly pick one of those moments for a patronus spell =P Its probably obvious who you are, you probably know who you are either, but what i'm saying here isn't half the story! i wish i could spend more time with you though. haha Well, we don't get what we want everytime. Well, we all know who you are. You probably know who you are and how you mean to me. What you DON'T know is how you made my life change. Well, no matter what happens, you'll have to find that on your own. Because I'll forever be scared to tell you that.

5.) Yep, she's probably gonna be my female bestfriend if I had one. She's always there with us when we hang out with friends. She's really really nice and straight forward whenever you need a straight answer. She's very considerate especially when you're having a hard time with something and you're in dire need of her help. She's quite a strong-willed person too considering how good she can defend her opinions and how she can stand up for herself. I give much respect for her and admire at how intelligent she can be. Yup, she's very passionate with what she does and I just hope nothing bad happens to her that would shatter her appart.

6.) She's like another sister to me. An elder sister, but much closer to my age. Now, this one is the epitome of a very strong willed person. I'm usually intimidated by her at how head strong she can be. She's really smart and knows what she's talking about. I want to see her soft side, and i don't get to see it that much. She's someone you'd want to talk to when you have a problem, she gives you this atmosphere where you can just talk and talk without any worry.

7.) If there's a sisterly figure, there's a kuya figure who isn't my kuya. He's the most mature member of our barkada. He's got a golden heart and a soul of a martyr. He's knows whatever it is that he talks about and he can carry a really good conversation. A lot of people find his personality really nice. He carries this really warm personality which relaxes the poeple around him, making them love him more and more.

8.) I love rednecks because of this guy! He's someone that you can just hang out the whole day with and have fun. His character is just so easy to get along with that you just can't get enough of him sometimes. He can voice out his opinions very well too. When you want to have some fun without going the distance, he's the person to find. You'll have tons and tons of fun even with the silliest of things. You can also talk about anything with him, anything under the sun.

9.) My favorite conyo friend! Yep, this guy is very giving to his friends. Yep, its a shame that it seems he's often sad and depressed. I owe this guy bigtime because if not for him i would've missed half my life because i wouldn't have been able to experience something that I've been dying to experience. Thank you so much! I wouldn't know how to repay you!

10.) She loves to dance alright. She also commonly sad, and it pains me everytime when I talk to her and hear that she has problems. She's a very lovely person that's really fun to be with. I have a lot of things to make up with her, i put her down quite a number of times and I have yet to find out a way to make it up. I thank her too whenever she listens to my rants about this one person that's been the major content of the story of my life. If there was any person one would get along with, its her.

11.) One of the coolest friends I've ever had. She's someone you'd want to talk to all of the time. She's been through a tough time when I still didn't know her that much. I can only hope that all the pain you've gone through's only made you a better and stronger person. I love talking to this person even if its in the dead ours of night or early hours of the morning. She never runs out of things to say. She knows what fun is too, that's why its so fun to talk about mischief with this person! She also has one of the best voice I've ever heard that's near my age. Let's form a band! =p

12.) She's a fun person! Like me, she also wants to be independent, to become self-sufficient and able to live with my own feet. She's such a nice person too since it would seem that she doesn't know how to get mad. She's trippy too sometimes but its all good =P

13.) I think I take advantage of this guy too much. He doesn't protest too much when you say something and just "goes with the flow". He has a very wild personality and can use his craft so damn well. He would sometimes seem to be ok outside but then again, he's in pain from the inside. I wonder how he can mask his pain...

14.) I owe this person big time in school. I don't think i'd stand my responsibility in school the whole year if he wasn't there since he helps me carry the load i have even if he carries a load thats much much heavier than mine. He's the perfect epitome of a leader and i can't see a better person who could lead better than he does. Yep, he's the best! =P

15.) This person has the wierdes imagination. But his mind is very creative even if he's very eccentric sometimes. You can count on him when it comes to designing stuff; anything under the sun. He's a stand out alright, he's no common person and he knows that. He's not your average teen and the good thing about it is that he uses the gift he has to help others. Being your friend is one of the best things that happened to me.

16.) wouldn't have enjoyed 2nd year if not for you. Even if we agrued a lot, you were still there to catch my back. You're probably sick of my face already since we've been classmates since forever. You are the best seatmate i've had in years. And I can't still forget those moments! Idol!

17.) Everyone falls for her. With just one look, everyone just drops down on her feet. She's so effortless, her charm can make a man go crazy over her. I'm talking from experience since she got me too sometime ago. She's really smart too, she can carry an excellent conversation from the silliest of things to the intellectually stimulating. I admire at how she voices out her ideas and opinions. Thanks to her too, I'm experiencing the benefits of reaching greener pastures.

18.) She's so lucky to have a rock god for an uncle!!! Aside from that, she's one of the friendliest people I've ever met. I love talking to this girl since she knows a lot about music. She can be really funny too somtimes. A fun conyo friend who liked *****, but of course, no one can know that or else i'm gonna be killed a thousand times by her. haha

19.) Another really nice person. She's quiet when you don't know her yet but she's really fun to be with and can be a great companion! She's a bit shy sometimes to let it all out but deep down, she's really all out and a very spirited person. You'll just love being around her because of how fun she can get.

20.) At first it may seem intimidating, but when you get to talk to her, you won't be able to find yourself to stop. She's really an interesting person that talking to her even more would make you want to spend more time with her. She's simple, which makes her more and more attractive because she's being herself and yet she gives off this very magnetic personality. She has a lot of nice stories too and listening to her stories is just the best.

Ooooh-ohh! Livin' on a Prayer!

2005-04-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

Err. I'm getting depresed again. haha Must be the music I've been listening too. Well, I'm depressed in various ways. For one, I really wish that I grew up during the 90's; early 90's actually. When I was a little kid, i used to sneak out casettes of Bon Jovi, Guns 'n Roses, Cypress Hill, Metallica and the likes from my dico's room and listen to them all day long. Then a few years after that, Eraserheads came, and for my 8th birthday, i got an album of Eraserheads' "Circus" haha Yep, aside from the classical music that my dad has been making me listen then, that's what filled my mind when it comes to music.

Another thing I'm depressed of is that I don't know how to play violin anymore. I was snooping around some stuff in the store room earlier and I saw my old violin, dusty and all. I haven't touched that since 1st grade. That's the first instrument I've ever learned how to play. Now, I don't even know how the correct blow strokes. haha I wish I could re-learn it though, but I'm still too busy improving my doomed skill with the guitar. Kaasar. I wanna learn how to play lead, but my fingers are too slow.

Another thing is BORA! Letche! I was having this conversation with my brother earlier. I was telling him that all of my immediate friends would be going to boracay and obviously, I'm staying behind to rot here in Manila as the whole things passes by. And after hearing that he goes "You should've told us! We could've spotted for you!" Damn! I did tell them though. Everyday, and everytime. Hay! I guess have fun in Bora then. Even all of my brothers are going to bora. Well, some would be going to other beaches still. haha ASAAAAR!!!!

For some wierd reason, I miss SEP. haha or the days when I took SEP last year. I don't really miss the classes, but the people i met during that time made the whole thing worth remembering. Yep, even if I looked stupid whenever the teacher would call me to answer a number and i won't be able to answer it. And also whenever I'm about to snooze and Yeni, who was my backmate then taps my shoulder and asks a question. And sina Ben and Jovic, for those crazy talks. Si Jerome and Miggy for that wierd walk to the College covered courts.

Finally, I'm depressed because still, now that I'm still such a dweeb. Until now, I still can't find it in myself to actually do what I should do or say what I should say. Oh well, hari nga talaga ng sablay. Even with timing I am such a loser. haha Sablay sa timing, sablay sa hirit! Oh yeh.

2005-04-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

Alabang was fun, like always. But today was a lot more fun since everyone was participating. haha

But! Before I continue with alabang, can I just say that I'm LSS-ing over Jon Bon Jovi songs! hahaha So, in order to sate my craving for Bon Jovi (as if listening to it non-stop won't do. ahahaha) I'm gonna post the lyrics! hahaha

Shot Through the Heart

Would you be content to see me crying
After all those little games you put me through
After all I've done for you you're lying
Wouldn't it be nice to tell the truth

Didn't somebody somewhere say
You're gonna take a fall I gave you everything
Now here's the curtain call

Shot through the heart as I lay there alone
In the dark through the heart
It's all part of this game that we call love

Now you've come back here to say you're sorry
But I don't know who you're talking to
It could be the man I used to be, girl
But I've grown up and now I'm over you

Standing there just a live wire
With nowhere left to turn
You were gonna set the world on fire
When will you ever learn?

Shot through the heart as I lay there alone
In the dark through the heart
It's all part of this game that we call love

Didn't somebody somewhere say
You're gonna take a fall I gave you everything
here's the curtain call
And I'm shot...

Baby does what baby please
And baby must have what she sees
But not this time, the tables turned
Baby, you just got burned

Shot through the heart as I lay there alone
In the dark through the heart
It's all part of this game that we call love

Anyways! Alabang was great, ez,mio,me,yeni,issa,peter and julie were there the whole day. haha The way there was quite... tiresome since it was really really hot and we were all cramped up in the car.

When we got to the house, we played water football! haha Yeni's a natural, i've had more chances to play the game than her but her throw's much better than mine's. Damn! It was straight and it was swhirling perfrectly! Ang daya! haha Anyway, we teamed up for a two-on-two with Issa and Mio. WE WON! haha apir Yeni!

Ez had a lot of bruises all over his body. He got into an accident with his bike while biking around in Gesu. haha That's why now, he's class! Parating pinky out! haha

I'll post the pictures next time. haha Nakaka-tamad eh. hahaha

waw! instruction manual!

2005-04-12T20:38:00.000+08:00

How to make a joe

Ingredients:

3 parts jealousy

5 parts brilliance

1 part leadership

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of sadness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Kopyahan na toooo!

2005-04-12T18:33:00.000+08:00

a.) Post the names of 20 of your favorite musicians. (I copied Sabs' format since that one's more suitable. haha)
b.) See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
c.) Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.

1. Incubus - When It Comes (Miguel de Quiros)
2. Racer X - Fire of Rock (Ryan McCoy)
3. Dream Theater - Solitary Shell (Mio Paredes)
4. Silverchair - Emotion Sickness (Anjo Castro)
5. The Dawn - Harapin Ang Liwanag (Anjo Castro)
6. Metallica - Until It Sleeps (Ryan McCoy) [damn, i really love this song!]
7. Wolfgang - Center of the Sun (Sam Monzon)
8. Guns n' Roses
9. P.O.T - Panaginip (Miguel de Quiros)
10. Thursday - Standing On the Edge of Summer (Miguel de Quiros)
11. Liquid Tension Experiment - Paradigm Shift (Mio Paredes) [obviously may tama ka. haha]
12. Joe Satriani
13. Steve Vai - The Crying Machine (Mio Paredes) [yes, the rocky theme song! haha]
14. Eric Johnson
15. Sugarfree - Limbo (Miguel de Quiros) [tama ka na!!! hahaha]
16. Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (Ryan McCoy) [one more for the whiteboy redneck!!! hahaha!]
17. Cardigans - Your New Cuckoo (Issa Perez de Tagle) [ayos ah, isang hulaan lang!]
18. Rage Against the Machine
19. Razorback - Minsan Lang (Mio Paredes) [i looooove this song!]
20. Happy Meals - Of Lovestories and Car Crashes (Sansan Vazquez)

Grabe, even if it's extended up to 20, its still hard to pin down which is which. hahaha I think most of the blogs here have these kinds of stuff already. haha Pretty interesting! =P Tough. Let's see if someone gets these.

Paaaasok!

2005-04-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

Now, what I want you to do before reading the rest is to imagine Mike Enriquez (the newscaster in GMA 7) saying the headlines. HAHA!

ULO ng mga BALITA: PINUGOT!!!

1. Dalawang kalbo,nag-sabunutan.

2. Capt. Hook dumaan sa Quiapo, pinirata!!!

3. Palaisdaan, nasunog!!!

4. Tahanang Walang Hagdan, inakyat!!!

5. Bakla sumali sa away, napasubo!!!

6. Bagong tuli nagyabang, lumaki ang ulo!!!

7. Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!!!

8. Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang paningin!!!

9. Iceman nanood ng porno, nag-init!!!

10. Tindera ng suka, tinoyo!!!

11. Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng leksyon!!!

12. Lolo naakusahang nang-rape, pero sakorte....biktima ayaw tumayo!!!

13. Eroplano nag-crash, lahat ng pasahero namatay sabi ng mga survivor!!!

14. Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura!!!

15. Dahil may reklamo, eskwelahan ng mga bingi nag-noise barrage!!!

16. Tubero, nagka-tulo!!!

17. Lalaki natagpuang pugot ang ulo, inaalam pa kung buhay!!!

18. Barbero tumestigo sa krimen, ayaw paniwalaan!!!

19. Misis ng photographer, nakunan!!!

20. Tindera ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!

21. Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad!!!

22. Invisible man, nakita na!!!

2005-04-09T01:42:00.000+08:00

The Rules:
1.) Write something about 15 different people.
2.) You can NOT say who they are.
3.) If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.

1. Bring me back to the 60's! hahaha still can't forget that day.

2. You're a thing of the past, but thanks to you, I'm in the greener side of the garden

3. Yep, talk about band projects. Well, he knows all my secrets, all my problems... basically, he knows me a lot, and sometimes morethan I know myself. Yep, he saved my life countless of times.

4. ALL muscle! (well, used to be, he has a beer belly now) yep, when you look at him, parang muscle na tinubuan ng tao. Singkit pa yung mata! Nyahahaha! =p

5. You look like anime! My crush during the summer of my first year. Yep.

6. Let's go, Mr. President. Yep! Lead on, like you always have.

7. He's a psycho. Happy one moment, angry and violent the next. But he brings out a great show. Oh yeah.

8. "Itanong mo sa akin, at tatanungin ko rin kung ika'y aamin, lahat ay gagawin!" HAHAHA

9. My favorite redneck! Lightsaber battle, baby! hahaha =P

10. I've known him since my second grade, nope, this person's not the one that i've always had a row with at school. This one's one of my all time buddies. He reminds me of Ben Stiller.

11. Red Panda!!! =P

12. Yep, you used to dance to Michael Jackson's songs when you were a kid. You're laugh is more bigtime than mine! YEP! It's been proven! peace! =D

13. Incubus Concert!!! Thanks to you I knew how that felt!!! =p My funny conyo friend. It's all abut the mini's! haha

14. I owe you a lot, I've cost you a lot of troubles, yet you still chose to be my friend. And, just recently, I got mad at you, and for a shallow reason. Yep, I'm such a friend, right? Sorry man.

15. Well, we all know who you are. You probably know who you are and how you mean to me. What you DON'T know is how you made my life change. Well, no matter what happens, you'll have to find that on your own. Because I'll forever be scared to tell you that.

Freedom Here We Go! =P

2005-04-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

These past few days had been unbelievable! WOW! At long last, Bandido's really getting more recognition! Hurray!

We played in Freedom Bar last night. Anonimity was there too, they're the band that beat my old band in school, Namoo. Yep, they're much better now, yep. Reb wasn't there though. But still, they still have they're classic alternative cadence. Galing, hands down!

Oh yeah! A big shout out to Xabaw, especially to Miguel de Quiros for doing bass for us last night! You're the best, man! Idol ko dad mo! nyehehehe! Imagine that, he learned our line-up (4 songs) 2 hours before the gig! Yeba! Our line up was 1)Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly 2)Salamin [original] 3)Foo Fighters - Everlong 4)Sandali [original] Yep! He was able to get the whole thing! Thanks for the patience, man! You're the best! Thanks to Nino, Ala, Issa, Anjo, and EJ Atilano for watching us! Yehey! I was so relieved that the crowd loved our performance since it was our first actual BAR GIG! Yeba! Issa was right, last night was something to be proud of, because last night, we weren't the ones sitting and watching, we were the one's standing infront of everyone, playing and being watched! Oh yeah! That felt really good; the rush that you feel when you play, the alertness to stay on beat as the song progresses. Yup, that's what I really like when we play. You can't be too relax, because with a blink of an eye, you'll lose your pace if you're not careful.

Mio was right, in one way or another, you'll really love it when a part of the song's focused on you, soloing. Maybe its a start, but i'm really getting into it. Back then, I would've turned my back on the crowd when I did my solo, but hey, that's supposed to be the best medium for you to express yourself in that song, so why not make the best out of it? right? YOWZA!

There was this band, Sub Scapular (i don't know if i got it right) But they were A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Yep, my jaw dropped when i saw their frontman do his thing with his guitar. ANGAS! Gnarly shiat, man!

Come and watch next time, please! Support Bandido! hahaha we have another gig on the 16th! I don't know where yet though, but if you're interested, message me or something. I might post the details here too just to be sure =p

Ciao! I'm outtahere!

2005-04-04T01:25:00.000+08:00

Alright, first of all, SABS! this is only temporary, I know there's a big possibility of you kicking my ass when you see this but this template will be changed. This was the only template that I found nice and simple. I'm gonna change it as soon as I find a new one.

Crap. I have to go. The force is calling to me again. haha Naaadik ako sa Starwars! nyahahaha

Watch our gig in Freedom Bar on the 6th! =P Message me for details! =P

2005-03-25T04:22:00.000+08:00

Ano ba to. Di talaga ako maka-tulog. Demmet. Walang cable yung tv, walang dream cast, walang ps2, nagloloko yung pc, tinapos ko na lahat ng pc game, walang pera... ANAKANAMPATATAS. demmet demmet demmeeeeeeet. Mamamatay na ata ako sa pagka-bagot dito.

Is it just me or am I really changing? Before, I'd be the happiest person if I get to seclude myself from everyone. To stay home and ditch those parties. (HAHA) Well, I still do that, and am still gonna do that. But, bakit ngayon, sobrang naiinip na ako sa sarili ko. I want to really get out of the house. Holy Week kasi eh.. Demmet.

I'm gonna have my own room. Thank God. But then again, we have to move houses (I think) by the end of March. Ewan ko ba. Last time I heard that line was nung December pa. They keep on saying "we need to move" which I couldn't disagree at all because I really don't like where I live right now... But then again, parating di natutuloy. Bweset. Demmet. Poof.

It's hard to express something that you're thinking nowadays. Especially if it's something bordering on the lines of being profound. People tend to give this prejudice that you're being FEELING or whatnot. Maybe I'm just being insecure when they say that nagfi-feeling na deep. Maybe kids our age are all like that. NAGFI-FEELING. In all aspects maybe. Not just in the way we think. Maybe in the way we bring ourselves. Yung tipong wala pa talagang stable na identity. Maybe, there's really a point where you have to feel something to become something. I mean, you don't become a bookwurm with just a snap of a finger. Of course you have to get yourself in to it. To FEEL being a bookwurm. Maybe that's where we find the term FEELING. Ewan, para sa akin, there's a fine line between FEELING and TRYING HARD. Ayan. Diyan nagkaka-talo ang lahat ng lahi (haha. labo) Anyway. Pag sinabi nating TRYING HARD, in MY OPINION (this means, it's what I think. MEANING, you can have you're own idea of this scenario.) sila yung mga sumobra sa pag FEEL ng pagiging kung ano yung gusto nila maging. Mahirap nga talagang ma-distinguish ang nagFIFEELING sa TRYING HARD. Pero, nakaka-awa lang talaga yung iba, kasi they actually aspire to become something great, but then again, they get discouraged because of all the prejudice that's taking place.

HAHA pweh. huwhattaloadofcrap. hahahaha

It's a free country, boys and girls.

2005-03-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

You Belong in 1966

1966

If you scored...

1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

ampooch. haha

2005-03-23T22:08:00.000+08:00

gdsaghtawe BORED! Pwede na akong mag-tayo ng kulto or some sort of society. haha in honor of who ever it is that's the patron saint of bored people. HAAAAY! I've been in and out of my room for the rest of the day. Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Pc. Eat. Sleep. Wake up. TV. Eat. Sleep. and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... ABIDEEEE BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED AYOKO NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

ahem.. *composure*

Wala na, tinatamad nanaman ako. haha bored + lazy = ah patay na. nako nako!

tamad kumain
tamad matulog
tamad maggitara
tamad maglakad lakad
tamad makipag-usap
tamad magbasa
tamad umalis
tamad magpc
tamad SAYO.
tamad tamad!

bewahdsmfhajksdfakwenmdfbsda PWEH!

Summer?

2005-03-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

The first week of my summer's been very... bland. Maybe it's just one of those self-made problems of mine, but, i just can't seem to enjoy my summer. Unlike how I enjoyed my summer last time around. If my memory serves though, I was having this same dilemma last year too. Maybe I fear of something new too much. I cling on to the past so much that I crave for it to take place again.

Eh masaya naman kasi talaga yung summer dati eh. If I remember it right, it was that time when I most of the people my world's revolving around. Yep, those were the days where you can wake up early in the morning, meet up with a friend, grab a hot choco, walk around the grounds of your school, SKIP SUMMER CLASS!!! and hang-out right outside of the classrooms of the summer classes. Memories. haha! I'd remember that whenever I hear "Always with me, always with you" of Joe Sat. For some reason that memory stuck with me. Pleasant and relaxed. Ang ganda pa ng setting nun kasi medyo umuulan pa. haha!

DRAMA!

But really, if only last year could be repeated. I never really knew that things could get so complicated in just 10 months. Over the whole school year, maturity struck me with such intensity that I was often caught off-guard when battling the stuggles it keeps on giving me. Ewan. Ang daming mga responsibilidad kasing nagpatung-patong ngayong school year kaya napabayaan ko rin in the long run. Aminin ko man o hindi, I failed to do my duties for the Arnis team and I had to leave Debate. But then again, I can't leave those. Just like what Dino told me during the interview, "Sali ka ng sali, di mo naman tinatapos yung sinasalihan mo" Kung tutuusin, tama nga talaga yung sinabi niya. I was too busy experimenting new stuff that I actually forgot to check if I could really handle all the responsibilities.

At least now, I know what to do. Although the damage has been done. Sayang yung math, letche. Ang ganda na ng start eh, tapos nagcrash bigla. Oh well.

2005-03-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

Manny Pacquiao lost. Damn. But, even in this event of his defeat, he still showed himself as a proud man. You should've seen how he fought those 12 rounds! Everytime he gets hit hard, he comes back with doulbed efforts, Eric Morales is just one tough cookie. He gave Pacquiao this big nasty cut! The fight was almost stopped because of that. Anyway, manalo matalo, saludo ako sayo! IDOL!

The AC grad ball was great! Although we arrived late because of my stupidity, good thing Bam wasn't mad. hehe Sorry!!! The bands from their batch played, San san's band, Lemonade had this sort of "encore" haha may naki-jam pang lalaking drummer para sa El Bimbo. Siyempre di rin nagpahuli yung mga "groupies" nila (as San San would have it) sina Cai and Marga. Matapang! haha Anyway, SPY was there; the side project of Pinikpikan, if i'm not mistaken. THEY WERE GEAT! damn! Funky riffs!

Nakaka-hiya kami ni Mio nung sa pictures. haha Lalo na pag wacky shot. Tawa ng tawa sa Mio kasi yung narinig niya "Wocky" kaya hirt siya ng hirit, "O tara, wocky shot naman!" nyahahaha!

Anyway, i had just experienced sleeping for 12 hours. MASAYA! hahaha Pero yung feeling mo pag bagong gising ka lang yung the best talaga. haha Parang bagong bago yung limbs mo na ang sarap igalaw. hahaha!

2005-03-17T09:38:00.000+08:00

Ah ewan. It's summer but I'm really not in the mood for anything. I don't want to go anywhere. It's so sad. I was expecting the same atmosphere like last summer. It's... very, very different now. Nawawalan ako ng ganang gawin yung mga dapat kong gawin. Maybe that Ed. Board screening got me really blanked-out that I'm losing appetite for all my other aspirations.

The past few days had been long and dragging. Nevertheless, I had been busy, to say the least, since Monday. Screening from morning to afternoon, band practice from afternoon to evening. I feel guilty for being late for practice. I can't even arrange my thoughts properly now.

Argh. Annoying.

nakaka-tamad magblog
nakaka-tamad pumuntang school
nakaka-tamad kumuha ng clearance
nakaka-tamad umalis ng bahay
nakaka-tamad kumain
nakaka-tamad magsalita
nakaka-tamad magreklamo
nakaka-tamad mag-isip
nakaka-tamad gumising ng maaga
nakaka-tamad mag-online
nakaka-tamad KA!

Hayayay. Sometimes I get the feeling that everyone's lying right in front of my face. They give you a very warm, sweet and kind demeanor, but deep inside, when you're not looking, they spread all your flaws to everyone, making fun of it. Nakaka-asar. Ba't di mo nalang sabihin ng harap-harapan kasi? I'm being a hypocrite right now by not saying your name, but hey, i'm just playing your game. Basta, nakaka-urat lang talaga yung mga taong reklamo ng reklamo tungkol sayo na di manlang sinasabi sayo kung ano yung ayaw sayo. Instead, kinakalat pa nila sa ibang tao. GADDEMMET! ayheytchu! HAY! totoo ngang mahirap maka-hanap ng tunay na kaibigan. Hopeless talaga.

I want to do something. But it seems that my body just won't agree with me. My brain's half-hearted too.

Ah basta.

Kailangang matapos na to.

2005-03-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

Right. Perfect. Just what I need. Sure I can pass my exams now. Saya saya. Praise the Lord!

2005-03-02T18:55:00.000+08:00

"The only way to avoid temptation is to give in to it" well, in one way or another, this could prove to be true. It's like "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" for short, in tagalog "balimbingan na toh!"

Mundane. Yep, that's the word. Sometimes it's really just a drag to post something when there's technically nothing new to write about. It's depressing to think that one's life can be so dull and... well, non-climatic. Somehow, I crave for those tension-packed moments from long ago. Those would be the days when your head gets clogged up with thousands and thousands of ideas all in one sweeping blow. The adrenaline rush you experience for every course action.

I miss it.

OH WELL. Our debate captain, Dino, visited our English class earlier to watch the debate project of our batch take place. He was scouting for fresh flesh for the debate society next year. Since Carlo was away because of the campaigning, I had to take over as chief-adjudicator. Sheesh, I never really realized how much a drag it is to become an adjudicator. Sometimes it really gives you a headache especially when the debaters don't really speak that clear. The debate today was alright, I guess. Let it be resolved that the Philippines should lead in spreading democracy in Asia. That motion was taken from IISDC. Yep, I remember Nathan and I getting a 2 that round. Oh... those were the days. Not to worry though, I'm comming back next year. And I won't quit anymore. Somehow, when your life has taken a turn for a difference, you just can't simply cross the gap and switch to the other lane. Yes, I long for those times like in 2nd year, where I go home early everyday, get a good nap when I get home then start to study. Nowadays, well, most of the time, I get home at around 7-8pm. Whether it be debate training or sessions with Bandido.

I just got some news today that our section in school will be block section for next year. Oh joy. I've been wishing to have new classmates for next year, but... tough luck, I guess...

I only know 3 people who'd remember this. but hey! haha

('-' )(._. )( ._.)( '-')

2005-02-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

A thousand thoughts are swirling around my mind as they I to form something something coherent out of them. This long weekend has been blown way out of proportion for my world. In a good way, of course! =P I feel like a little kid again, learning new stuff, and also like an old man, getting enveloped with a sense of nostalgia embracing me.

February 24, 2005 Thursday

The highlight of this day was sometime during the afternoon. It was the "Paalam" the final batch presentation of the graduating class of sy2004-2005. The program this year, however felt different. Maybe it's because of the fact that I, including some of my batchmates and close friends in school have a lot of ties with this batch. After all, I've spent almost the rest of this year with the people in this batch; Dino, Janlo, Robin and the others. Yeah, their company was really great. I learned a lot from them; their experiences in highschool, their misadventures and of course some of the most tumultuous events that you will ever hear in your life.

The program was indeed emotional, unlike any other programs related to this the past years. A lot of recounting and reminicing took place. Of course the batch's antics weren't to be forgotten! The 4th year batch seemed to have developed this very strong sense of unity that our batch can only envy. They've also been able to bag so many awards. In the end, you can see that even the most unbreakable people in their batch broke in to tears as they gave their final farewell to the school they grew for the past 11 years or so.

February 25, 2005 Friday

A few days ago, I thought I'd spend this day sleeping it away, instead, after receving a set-up from Issa, I was to experience my first prom ever.

As usual, in the morning I had to go to school to do my project in AP, and watch Ivan's game in soccer. Man, did our school whoop la salle's ass. 7-0! Yeah baby! =P After that, I was accompanied by Lawrence and Ephraim to help me prepare what I was going to wear for the night. Thanks you guys!

Anyway, so at around 4pm, I went to Mio's place. Mind you, I tried my best to clean up, but somehow, I'm just not fit for formal occasions. So, we spent the next few minutes fixing ourselves to become "respectable gents" nakanaman! haha di talaga bagay, mehn. There was a slight mix-up with the transpo with caused us some delay, but none the less it went smoothly.

Arriving at the house of Evee, Issa's bandmate that she set me up with, I felt my mouth go dry and quite lost for words. Maybe because I was just not used to this. And getting set up as well. After a few moments of awkwardness; putting the corsage on for her and all, it got much better, oh yes.

The multi-purpose hall of Assumption Antipolo looked fantastic that night, right outside the building were two VINTAGE sports cars. Man, I wish I had one of those. Anyway, those were to be used for the couple pictures and group pictures. Bloomfield, the Beatles cover-band played for the prom thanks to Pia, who got them there. It felt really wierd to see people same as your age wear formal clothing. Somehow I feel that I'm still too young to wear these clothes, that I was that little kid again trying to fit my dad's shoes when he's not home.

I don't know if i really talk a lot or what, but I found myself chatting the night away. I don't know how it happened but for the first time, I didn't run out of things to say or ask. Yep, for some reason it just kept on coming and coming. Oh yeah, sorry again for stepping on your foot once on the dance floor. Thanks to her and Issa, I know how to dance! Yippeeeee (only a little though)

So those wonderful cars were put into action with the picture taking. At first it was kinda wierd since I didn't know how to position myself. haha You have to be half-sitting on the car and close to your partner.

Anyway, Miggy was right, proms usually go by so fast. It's like it's only for 30 minutes. At the end of the prom, well, Issa and Evee took got the stars from the entrace of the multi-purpose hall. haha They got a lot! haha

Anyway, after bringing Evee home, the three of us met up with Mike Oreta in Starbucks for a midnight hang-out inside Ateneo. Issa taught me what I still needed to know about dancing. haha I don't think I wouldn't want to step on someone's foot again. So embarassing...

February 26, 2005 Saturday

Mornings were spent in school once more. It was there when I felt the headache we were talking about the previous night. The throbbing pain that courses through your head especially when under the heat of the sun. Oh crap, I felt like throwing up.

Anyway, sometime during the afternoon, Mio and I went to Galleria to get my guitar fixed. Yahoo! It's much much more easy to use now! The action's lower, the string's thinner. Yipee!!

So, going back to his house, we invited Issa and Miguel over to watch Return of the King extended. Such a nice movie, I swear. I don't think I'll ever grow tired of it. It's just so... argh! I don't really know how to put it!

Anyway, of course, Mio and Issa's day won't be complete without teasing me, so... Magpaka-saya kayo! Anak ng....

Anyway, that's more or less it... Don't really want to add some more since.. nah nevermind.

2005-02-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, reality just likes to play tricks on you. You can never be certain that things are as they seem. Sometimes, you just can't help but notice that not all things are right in front of you.

Has it ever happened to you when you see someone you know somewhere you are at the moment when that person's in another place? What I mean is, that person's not there. He or she's somewhere else, yet you see him/her as if he/she's right infront of you.

Doesn't get any better than that, doesn't it?

But what if you feel them too? You can feel their touch. Your body reacts to the touch of your memory of them as it touches you like a normal existing person. For a fleeting moment, you seem to be frozen. Eyes locked on them. Then you look away, to see for yourself if it's trully real. You avert your eyes back, and their gone.

Frustrating, yes. Because you just got teased by your mind big time. But great, because at least, you got to see someone you might have been meaning to see.

2005-02-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

ayoko na.

2005-02-20T14:43:00.000+08:00

As usual, saturday is still band day! yipeeee!

Well, for one thing, I missed my AP project thing in school because I overslept. Damn... And I just found out right now, in my offline messages that the shooting for our Religion project was yesterday morning too. So, I take it that when I get back tomorrow in school, I'd be in a really fucked up mess.

Around 2pm, Abi, RJ, and Paeng came for practice. Of course, along with them came their loud and cheerful demeanor which made Mio and I energized too. haha That's the spirit! Well, the session was productive, I should say. We managed to complete an original! Oh yes, thank the good Lord. haha Thanks to Paeng too for that really nice riff! All we need now would be hrmn... good lyrics and kick-ass solo's hahaha. I'll leave the solo to Mio. haha

So, I came back home after practice to watch the Futurama DVD's I borrowed from Mio. Grabe, idol talaga si Bender. haha

After resting, and burning cd's, well, I took off again to go to Ateneo for the 2nd day of the gigs there. huhuhu, di kami tinanggap dun! huhuhu! Demmet. Yesterday I was lucky enough to watch Yeni's band, King Babble. So, I dropped off the cd's and had a chat with sina Kevin of Vanderfox. Really great bunch. Makululit! Emo tayo! nyehehehe You guys ought to catch them too, they're a good band. Anyway, before leaving, we managed to watch Issa's band perform. Yep, vocal gallore! Galing sila, their trio. Sorry Yeni I wasn't able to watch this one! We had to leave!

Anyway, after rushing back to Mio's house, had a quick dinner and went to 6underground to watch Razorback! LIVE! yowza! Nothing beats a good gig like this. As usual, the makati streets were almost deserted and seemed like a ghost town. It was to be expected after all since it was a weekend. When we got to the place, 30 minutes before the Razorback set, we thought we won't be able to go in because of the "no minors allowed" rule that was re-inforced in all the bars, especially in Makati. Good thing Mio's sister, Ala, who was with us knew Ryan Agoncillo, who happened to be one of the owners of the said bar. Yahoo! We were able to get in, but of course, no beer! AYUS LANG! Razorback parin! The bars there are really different from the bars in QC like Freedom and 70's bistro. Well, maybe because of the "no-smoking" rule inside the bar. So, when we got in, some of the members of Razorback were to be in sight already. Manuel Legarda, the former guitarist of Wolfgang who sessions for Razorback was already inside. Tirso Ripoll, the other guitarist was outside having a smoke. Woohoo! After quite some time, Karl and Kevin Roy came in. Ohhhh yes! hahaha Their first song was Voodoo Who Do. Haaaaaaaaay! Ang daming solo's at jamming. sobrang galing. Sila lang siguro yung may karapatang mag-10 minute break sa set nila. wow! Ewan. I'm still quite blown away. hahaha

2005-02-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

Argh. I don't like this day.

Intrams, our last game for the whole intrams, first game of the day. AND I TWISTED MY ANKLE. right. some way to start your day. Then that stupid blithering guard in the school confiscated stuff from the huts near the field. AND MADE US PACK UP! DI DAW KAMI NAGPI-PICNIC! THE HELL! Guess what, it's not our fault that those blasted huts are so ill-maintained and very dirty! It's even a miracle that the hut we got wasn't infested with big, red, bionic ants! Tell me, just how, HOW ON EARTH can you rest when you're lying down on something that's so dirty and infested with ants?! HOW THE HELL?!?!

Annoying

And it doesn't stop there!

I get home, use the pc. Then my mum comes up, urging me to get out of the pc right then and there because she had to use it for 5 MINUTES. TAKE NOTE. 5 MINUTES. God. So, I told myself, nah, all the people i'm talking to will still be there. and besides, it's just 5 MINUTES! BUT NO, the 5 minutes turned to 30 minutes! My dad, who's working speed is equal to a typing speed of 1 word per hour took over! ARGH! can't they even consider that i still had people to talk to too?! I have a life too, for chrissakes. dammit. ANNOYING. Now, most of the people i need to talk to are offline. dammit. WHAT A LIFE.

great day, isnt it?

fuck.

Wheeeee

2005-02-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

oh man, i haven't been listening to any other song the whole day! I simply love this song! Ang lambing nung sound ng guitar. Haaay, I can only dream to make a song as nice as this. hahaha

Recap

2005-02-15T19:35:00.000+08:00

The past 5 days went by with a blast, and somehow, i can't really see a trace of bad luck following my trail. Amazing, once you think of it, that one can go on for quite some time without experiencing any misfortune or whatnot.

February 10, 2005
Sheesh, I never thought something would actually go on perfectly for a section like ours. The teacher's day plan, a.k.a Operation Urangutan went well. With all the honor guards escort for our lovely class adviser from the faculty room and to the classroom. To the theater-ish classroom setting with the lcd projector with the recorded messages of each of the students from the section, heartfelt apologies and thanks for a very eventful year, good times and bad times. I can safely say that the day went on normally without any disaster. Lucky for me, nobody really knew that it was my birthday because they believed that it was the next day since the party was till the next day. Ergo, I managed to save my pocket and not waste money on blow-outs.

Well, here's the downpart of the day, I guess. Arnis training, for the first time, I didn't finish a match. I lost the first round 5-4. I didn't manage to finish the second round as asthma finally took over me as i felt myself kneel down trying to catch my breath. This had probably been the one that dictated the following turn of events concerning me and arnis.

So, after that, went home and got some rest. Eventually, after collecting myself, i went over to Mio's pad, well, to plan stuff for the next day and of course to mope about the guitar i didn't get for my birthday. Little did I know, that when we headed back to our place, a brand new guitar was waiting for me (mwehehe Mio, naunahan kita! =P)

Oh of course, someone has to beat this record this year, a certain someone whom I shall not reveal had been kind enough to greet me 9 times. haha Grabe. hahaha =P You know who you are!

February 11, 2005
Well, the big day has arrived. haha from 9am to 4pm, I had been cleaning the house. Yep, me- scrubing the floor, fixing the drumset, re-arranging the chairs, etc. Well, initially, the plan was Mio and the others were to come over by 1pm to help. But, they got held up with their own matters so I had to do this one on my own. Preparing the drinks and all was one of the toughest challenges. Had some difficulty with the beer since there wasn't really a car in sight to be used.

The party went on well, to all the people that went, thanks! =P I'll never forget this! I managed to break in the new guitar since Bandido played. Abi was quite tipsy, I should say, when we played the first time around. He was missing the pace in some parts of the song. Then Mio got drunk. Aww man, this kid ought to control himself! (kidding!) haha Buti nalang di ako uminom. I managed to dodge their scheme since they were trying to get me do this 17-birthday shots of Emperador Brandy. Yep, it's all thanks to will power! =P Oh yeah, special thanks to Marla, Issa, Sam and Yas for comming/dropping by! It really meant a lot! Well, it would've been a lot more awsome if *****, **** and ** were there. hahaha But of course, it would've been perfect if you were there. You know who you are =P

February 14, 2005
Bleh. The most dreaded day of the year. Well, maybe it's out of insecurity and envy. But a part of me couldn't care less. It's just hard to accept the fact that there are just some things you can never have. Annoying as it may seem, but that's just how life goes. Teasing you as it lays down before your eyes the most precious thing that ever graced your world, smiling back and with eyes glazing like the most flawless diamond...

Oh shit, don't mind me.

Moving on, Intrams. Oh yes. How could I forget, I nearly broke my finger! Well, the join nearest to the finger was halfway from dislocating at one point then snapped back. Felt like hell, I tell you. I wasn't able to move it properly for quite some time. Still feels sore though.

February 15, 2005
My classmates and I had found a special kind of solace in the bahay kubo near the football field. haha Tomorrow, we shall bring banigs, pillows, a radio, a portable DVD player and of course! DVD's! hahaha Walang makakalimot ah! Lagot kayo kay Mat! =P

the part pictures will be up by next post! promise! =P

Hrmn, this certain line had been playing around in my head for a long time "do I have to tell the story, of a thousand rainy days since we first met?"

Panaginip

2005-02-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

laging nawawala
laging naghahanap sa 'yo
walang magagawa
laging naghihintay sa 'yo

kulayan mo ngayon aking mundo
bigyan liwanag ang buhay
hindi inaasahang sapitin ito
langit sa gitna ng yakap mo

sa panaginip lang
tanging, walang kapantay

walang katulad pa
sarap ng ating pagsasama
tanging ligaya ka
laman ng isip ko sa tuwina

kapag nagdidilim
naghihintay pa rin ako
kahit na sa panaginip lang
nananabik pa rin ang puso ko

sa panaginip lang kita makakasama

haaay, this song never fails me. it always describes how i feel. eto pang isang pwede Steve Vai -Dyin' Day. It's instrumental but it really speaks it too. SAWWIIIIII huhuhuhu

HsurcsohwsihsurcsohW

2005-02-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

Oooooh, now I feel the heat of senior year. Filling an application up is one of the wierdest things I'd ever experience in my life. I can hear voices in my head arguing, debating, and bullsessioning in picking the right course. One says "Pick Journalism! You'll do well there!" "But one would say "Nah, you can't do public speaking for shit! Do Philosophy instead!" But one would contradict that "Hell No! You're not a philosopher! Pilosopo pwede pa!" It's really eating me up!

Only a few more days to go before the year ends, only a few more days before the prom, and only a few more days before I turn 17. Somehow, it feels quite wierd, as if you're expecting something different to happen. Maybe it was the hype of me hoping to get a new guitar, my very first OWN new guitar. But then again, I'm about to give that up since I haven't reached the required amount of money. Yep, after selling the phone, I'm still thousands short. Right now, I could just break Vince Perfecto's nose in my head as I imagine him jeering me for my failure. (Peace, man)

I wonder what nice would happen in my birthday. I'm not really counting it to be a light day since I'd be handling that lousy batch of students crammed up in a single section called 3-svp. Bleaugh. What happened last week made my distaste for the class grow bigger. I just can't wait for this year to be over. I hate backstabbers. Those who say bad things to you and that they can't even face you up front and tell you what they don't like about you. As for that kid in my section who attempted to disgrace my name, pray that I'll never know about you, because if I do, I won't care if i get suspended, or even kicked out, I will beat the living daylight out of you so bad that you'd have to crawl your way back home.

Pweh.

Saturday is Band Day :D

2005-02-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

Saturday was great, morning had been different, but in a good way. haha went to makati to accompany Julienne to Ateneo for the auditions. She was wearing this gala uniform while waiting in McDo near Greenbelt 1, don't worry Yeni, it's not really Sadako re-born. :D

After that, Bandido's practice was supposed to start at 1pm, i came right on time (wow! minsan lang yan!) but, we ended up starting at around 4pm because Abi, came late because of his OJT. Demmet. Anyway, after a run-through of songs, and arguments while eating fishball sa kanto ng bahay ni Mio, we marched to Ateneo High School for auditions. This one was embarassing since sumablay ako sa solo. haha I was dazed while playing, thinking of other stuff. Yep, lesson learned #1, FOCUS WHILE PLAYING. Good thing we still managed to get good comments from the judges. haha Parang American Idol yung dating ah. Tim's band, Paddy Wagon tried out too, kahit kailan talaga ang lupit nila, they played Enter Sandman again, pati yung judges saludo sa kanila. PAPA TIM! mwehehe AND! AT LAST! I heard Julienne's band play! yipee! haha After a long time of trying to catch up with their band's gig schedule, ayan! haha Magaling nga sila! :D

The night of Saturday was quite wierd but came with a lot of lessons to be learned. Well, when we came to the place where the gig was, we saw the set and... well, wondered, there were 2 amps; 1 for the bass, and 1 for the guitar. And the set was missing a cymbal. At first parang ayaw na namin kasi lahat ng kanta namin pang 2 guitars, so mabubutas yung sound talaga. Lesson Learned #2: KNOW YOUR GIG. Lesson Learned #3: A GIG IS A GIG, GOOD OR BAD, NEVER BACK OUT. Mio's dad was right, when you accept to play in a gig, you simply can't back out of it. Call if professionalism; to finish the job, whatever it takes. Well, blessing in the skies, Rampqueen was playing and happened to have the equipment that we oh so needed. :D

Yahoo!

Desperation

2005-02-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

Raaaargh!

Only less than a handful of days left, and I'm growing more and more desperate. Somebody help me raise moneeeeeeeeeey!!!! I want that Ibanez morethan anything!!!! (except for one thing though, which can't be bought! :D) huhuhuhu!

Blind, Deaf, and Numb.

2005-01-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

And so I thought I was ready and prepared enough to take on whatever consequence of being a public figure in school. As it turned out, I wasn't. I still can't fathom that the class that i've been putting up with, defending whenever our necks would get chopped off by our teachers, would accuse me of something that's totally absurd. I know I'm not supposed to fret about this, but I simply just can't imagine how blind I was to how they really viewed me. I can't help but feel that as if I was on the wrong side of the battlefield. I had been stabbed deep in my back, making me bleed mentally and emotionally. I could've never expected a thing such as this to happen. But, it seems that I thought too much, and that I regarded my section too highly.

I haven't been the luckiest person lately. Aside from the incidents in school, I've been screwing up the most precious bonds I have with the people that matter a lot to me. Maybe I really am too paranoid with things. That I let my heart do the conclusions too much and not let my mind process it first. It seems that I've been lacking the normal composure that I seem to have had months before. You know who you are, and I couldn't be more sorry for treating you in a bad manner. I was just too upset to face you that time, I guess.

Just 9 more days...

Doo Dee Doo Dee Doo

2005-01-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

Oh crap. This weekend's been a big mistake for some reason. Well, not all of it, but, the majority of it was... a mistake. I want a rewind!!!

I missed my last chance to join that exposure trip for our Religion subject in school! And if my momory serves, that trip is one of requirements to pass the year and be accepted next year. Oh shit. Stupid, stupid me. I still had time when I woke up. I weighed my options with the wrong criterea. I still had a full 30 mins before 7:00 am in which the bus was going to leave, but i decided against going, thinking that i won't get there in time anyway, and chose to go somewhere else, where i didn't get to see what i was supposed to see. damn it. So, to put things straight, nasayang na nga yung araw ko, patay pa ako pag pasok ko. I don't have a proper excuse for my absence and I got nothing worth for the ditching in return. So, I came to ateneo at around 4:30, got the last ticket to A flat and missed the gig of Julienne's band by a very small margin, if I remember. I got there just when Jonah came out of Hayes Hall. So, I went back to the bandfest near the highschool caf, having to have no more intention to stay longer outside Hayes Hall. I spent the next 3 hours practically alone. But i'm still thanking the kind company of Mikey Blanco, one of the old members of our 1st year barkada. I also got to meet up with the great Nico Martin, the fat man that was the co-inventor of the saying "Save a tree, eat a hamster". Man, he's thin now! Back then, he used to remind me of Cartman! Anyway, the bandfest was pretty nice, there were a lot of good bands that played, including OBS (Out of Body Special) in which Nino, Ted Mark, and the percussionist of Plane Divides the Sky was in. Sobrang lupit nila! Duerme's band, Delta Joy, was really great too! Old school sound with the "kengkoy" lyrics. Seoul's band was great too! It was their first gig together as a band, and they played 2 kjwan songs, Surface and Daliri.

Again, i'm still pissed at myself for making the most stupid decisions in which i thought was going to be worth it. As it turned out, i was, once more, the receiving end of bad luck.

Linya Ng Mga Pilosopo't Hitad

2005-01-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

Two days ago, I came home with my brother in front of the pc, reading an email and then suddenly he broke into a fit of howling laughter. Well, I guess it was with reason since this was what he was reading. haha

1. "I just realized that I don't want to be touched."
-- baket? hinahawakan ka ba?

2. "I'm confused and I need some time out to find myself!"
-- and while your at it... why don't you go jump in a lake!

3. "Maybe this is not the right time for us."
-- di wag!

4. "Di kita maalagaan ng tulad ng ineexpect mo. You deserve someone better. That's not me."
-- sinabi ko bang alagaan mo ko ng parang baby?

5. "Lasing lang ako kagabi. Sorry."
-- di pede! touch move e!

6. "We are too different from each other."
-- syempre! no two persons are alike! asus!

True lies and true lines:

7. "We have to meet other people to see what it's like to be with someone else. I'm giving you that choice. if you come back to me, we'll both be better from having chosen freely."
-- gusto mo lang manlalake pinaarte mo pa!

8. "Someday, hahanapin kita, when we're both ready. When we don't care about the odds. Kung tayo talaga, tayo rin in the end, di ba?"
-- taenang linya yan.. di na kita aantayin!

9. "I really think that we should break up."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know if I still love you."
-- better make it clear coz i never really loved you anyway! (kanta to a?)

10. "I just realized I haven't had time to walk my dog..."
-- me aso ka ba?

11. "It's not you, it's me..."
-- ayaw kasi tumino e? tsk tsk!

12. "Talagang kapatid/kaibigan lang ang turing ko sa'yo, eh. Let's keep it that way."
-- madami na kong kapatid at kaibigan!

13. "we are not growing anymore."
-- anong akala mo sa tin? si mahal at mura?

14. "I don't have feelings for you anymore."
-- ay ganon... manhid...

15. "i need space..."
-- punta ka lrt station, bili ka tiket papuntang outer space leche ka!!!

16. "Mahahanap mo rin ang para sa iyo. Good luck na lang."
-- ako oo, ewan ko lang sa yo...

17. "We don't fit in together."
-- ano kala mo sa tin? lego?

18. "sorry kisses, di ka gusto ng mama ko"
-- baket? mama mo ba gf ko? sino si kisses?

19. "Sorry, I just realized mas gusto ko sa lalake "
-- ano kala mo sa kin? bading?

20. "let's call it QUITS!"
-- QUITS!

21. "Pupunta na ako sa America and I won't come back. Don't follow me there, please."
-- talagang hindi! ano ako tange?

22. " Na Realize ko mahal ko papala Ex ko "
-- magsama kayo mga rabbit!!

23. " Masyado kang Bata "
-- hindi... utak lola ka lang...

24. " Kung talagang tayo kahit saang sulok ng mundo magtatagpo tayo"
-- hehehe tataguan kita!!

25. "it was not meant to be ... so honey i am setting you free to look for your destiny"
-- honey? sino si honey?

26. "our time together was beautiful ... but i realized that there are still things i like to
discover so ..."
-- magellan? ikaw ba yan?

27. "you are too immature for me..."
-- masyado ka lang serious!

28. "It seems that we are not compatible with each other."
-- ay! di ka ba babaeng tao?

29. "Tama na. Ayoko na."
-- ayoko na rin!!!

30. "i've decided to move on with my life..."
-- then move! bat mo pa sinasabi sa kin yan?

31. "DI NA KITA MAHAL?"
-- i hates you too much too! (prang mali a?)

Jump for Joy!

2005-01-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

January 22, 2005 - BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAN SAN!

At last, we had been able to perform "sandali", our very first original song! yeah! We won the battle of the bands in San San's party! Hell yeah! By far, that's been the greatest exposure for us! Kjwan was there, Kelly, Jorel, and Jhoon, along with Kevin Roy of Razorback judged. (all-star cast, ano? haha!) Our line up was Everlong (Foo Fighters) and of couse, Sandali. Pwede ko lang bang sabihin na sobrang lupit nung equipment nila dun! shehet! fender at peavy na amps! Pati yung drumset maganda! Double-crash pa! The sound of the crowd cheering when we started playing was really really energizing!

After the set, Clang, came up to us and congratulated us for a job well done. This very surprising since I thought we nearly screwed ourselves up on stage because Mio and I went too early on the 2nd pre-chorus going to chorus of Sandali. But still, it was just their first time to hear it, so what the hey! :D Clang's comments were greatly appreciated as he gave us a really insightful feedback on how our gig was! We even got invited to their launch on Feb. 11 in Saguiho, come too! He told us that our solo's (Mio and I) really sound Vai-oriented. For me, this was mind-blowing because it was my first time to actually do a solo in a gig, much more in a jam. Thanks to Mio and Ephraim's crash course about scales, i've been able to create my own solo! Yipee! It feels good, it makes you express more stuff you want to convey to the listener, with every bend and every hammer. It gives you this certain rush, this drive to continue further. haha Parang Pringles, "Once you pop, you can't stop!" whehehe corny ko.

Anyway, as usual, Kjwan had a kick-ass performance! Si Abi tuwang-tuwa dahil tinugtog yung Surface. And lucky for us, they even played Fabilioh, the song that they played when they first played as a band officially in K.A.F.E a few years back. Man, I miss those days. Much to Issa's delight, Marc Abaya took of his shirt. I reckon she took MORETHAN a handful of photos :D After their actual set, which was a load full of songs, they even jammed a few Incubus songs, now, it was to our (Mio and I) delight! OH YEAH! they jammed The Warmth and Pardon Me. Grabe, ang lupit talaga ni Jhoon sa drums, hands down! :D

********
January 25, 2005 - Aww, Shit!

For now, all I can really say is that my head hurts like hell. Earlier today, during P.E period, i got a cut from playing basketball. Tobee, my classmate accidentally bumped into me, sending his teeth directly to my forehead. His front teeth (the 2 big upper teeth) hit my forhead square on the right part of my head. Well, an eight of my shirt was splattered with blood and the cut was deep enough for me to feel the wind comming in my head. The nurse in the clinic suggested that it didn't need any stitches, much to my relief. I had always been afraid of any sort of needle that'd poke my skin. Anyway, they closed the busted but in my head and placed a plaster on it, it still feels quite numb right now, but the middle part sores like hell.

Oh well.

Original At Last!

2005-01-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

Yes! Yes oh, yes! We're actually on our way to complete our first composition ever! Man! It's a good thing i decided against discarding that riff i was playing with earlier this morning! It turns out, Mio and the others liked it! It sounded so much like Hellbender though (Hail Aldrich!) The song sounds so gnarly, man! I can't wait for it to be finished! We plan on playing this on Saturday! The day we'd be competing in a battle of the bands where Karl Roy will watch! Also, at the same time, it would appear that we're sort of gonna be the "openning act" for KJWAN! Wow! Would you look at our luck! Now, I can only wish that we win that contest. Because if we do, i could use my share of the money as an initial start for that 17 000-peso save-up that I'm doing. Can i really manage to raise 17k before my birthday? I'm gonna turn 17 this February 10, and I only have a few days left! The minute I get my hands on my allowance, I will store it somehwere safe and hidden from prying hands! I won't bring school money anymore! Bahala na kung pano sa school! haha I'll do all it takes to get that Epiphone Les Paul-100! I've been dying for that guitar ever since I started playing the guitar, which would be sometime around 6th or 7th grade. Man, the first time I saw that was when a friend of mine showed me his elder brother's picture of Jimmy Page in the pc. Of course, I haven't recognized him then, but I told myself then "When I get into a band, I'll buy one of those guitars!" Yep, and nothing's gonna stop me from buying that guitar. Nothing

Another From Yesteryear

2005-01-19T01:48:00.000+08:00

Rain and Melancholy

It was very chaotic; sirens could be heard from everywhere. People could be seen with looks of shock and grief on their faces. A teenage kid from what looks like a seventeen-year old was lying flat on the floor with gunshots and blood all over his body. The blood was spreading everywhere as the rain poured hard as all the tiny droplets crashed unto the surface. There were three people beside the kid’s body; an adult woman who was sobbing controllably beside a teenage girl who was also sobbing as uncontrollably as the adult woman. The other of the three however; a guy of the same age as the kid who was lying dead was in utter shock; his face was very pale and was lost for words…

********************************************************

It was a cold rainy day in Manila as I sat by the window of a classroom; staring aimlessly through the glass and into the falling drops of water from the heavens. I couldn’t focus with what our professor was teaching us during Math period so I decided to give it up for the day. My seatmate kept on scowling at me because I wasn’t paying attention to his ranting about our teacher’s boring teaching style. I really can’t blame him though; he really idolized her back in her days as a movie star; as the girl who was very outgoing and cheerful. She would often guest on talk shows and have movies every month. She lived a very social life. But that was 13 years ago, now a lot has changed, especially in the life of Selena Vasquez, our Mathematics teacher.

“Mr. Bautista? Can you please tell me the correct formula for number four?” she asked, ‘This is bad,’ I thought to myself. I hated it whenever she caught me not listening; she’d make me answer tough questions, Math was never my forte, mind you.

“Erm... I- uhh… I don’t know ma’am,” I muttered sheepishly. Clearly, I was humiliated once more in front of the whole class. She always does that to us when someone’s not listening, that’s why she earned the title trivia queen. “Hay nako, Daniel Bautista, when will you ever learn? Detention Room for you. I’ll meet you there after dismissal,” she announced. “But ma’am!-““No more buts Mr. Bautista!” she snapped. The whole class seemed to stiffen as she yelled. As is on cue, the school bell rang, signifying the end of that subject and the beginning of lunch break. ‘Thank God’ I said to myself. “That’d be all for today, just review your notes and we’ll have a short quiz tomorrow,” she said as she stormed out of the classroom.

“So much for the proper farewells,” Jay muttered. Jay, who is my seatmate, had been my best friend since elementary; we’ve spent practically almost every day in our lives pulling off pranks. Come to think of it, he did tell me sometime around in seventh grade that he was gay. Well, to tell you the truth, I avoided him for months. He knew that one of my greatest fears was a gay person. And now, he is one. But in the end, we actually made up. Nothing could replace the spot of someone whom you’ve learned to treat as your brother.

“Seriously, something must be definitely wrong with that woman. I mean, she’s always gloomy and grumpy, she always picks on you. I never expected that Selena Vasquez, the nation’s idol, was such a grumpy person in real life!” he complained. “Well, you aren’t the one who’d be spending time in a Detention Room with her,” I mused aloud which earned me a glare from Jay.

After what seemed ages of arguing, Jay decided to drop it and head to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. I however decided to stay and ponder more on what had just occurred. Surely enough, Jay did have a point; there must be something that’s causing Ms. Vasquez to go all grumpy like that.

Just then, something really captivating caught my eye. Isabella, a classmate of mine happened to pass by. Most of the guys drool over her, she’s very friendly and very intelligent too, and like all the clichés go, she’s popular and a member of the theater club.

“Hey young man, what’s with the dreamy face?” she asked quizzically. Apparently, she was talking to me. Man, this is embarrassing! She actually caught me dazed while adoring her. ‘Perfect, Danny-boy. Just perfect.’ I told myself.

“Erm… Well I uhhh…” I couldn’t think of anything to say. I was too lost for words to explain. I was always like this around her. I do all the crazy things a clumsy guy would do when I’m around her; bump into walls, get tripped by a gutter, and even get hit by soccer ball during P.E! Strange, though, every time I was all by myself, she always comes up to me and talk. “Thinking of something?” she continued for me. Somehow, she seems fond of me and being around me, that’s why most of the guys keep on giving me glares.

“Uhuh” I nodded stupidly. She let out a giggle as I blush deep crimson. ‘God, this has to be insane! I look stupid!’ I thought. “It seems that you’re going be spending a day with our school’s favorite, Ms. Selena Vasquez! How do you feel about it?” she asked while pretending to be a news reporter, she just makes me feel very comfortable around her with all her antics. “Oh come on! Don’t give me that crap!” I complained fondly as she slapped my arm playfully. “Well, promise me one thing, will you,” she said as her face turned a bit more serious. “Please find out the reason why she is like that! She’s always been like that and it’s really bothering most of us. I know it’s really not right to meddle in other people lives but still, our lives get ruined too, you know!” she vented. I nodded dumbly as she continued to ramble on and on.

The rest of the remaining classes went through uneventfully. Most of my classmates would give out punch lines here and there as the teachers discussed our lessons. My mind however was still lingering on Ms. Vasquez. Why was she like that? What caused her to change from the great, cheerful fellow that she was into a dead woman that she is now?

Classes are finally over and the answers to my question are to be hopefully answered. I waved farewell to Jay and Isabella as I left the classroom and head to the Detention Room. As I got there, I heard faint whimpers from inside the classroom. The whimpers turned out to be sobs; sobs of utter sorrow and sadness. My mind was racking itself for reasonable theories why I was hearing these. Finally, curiosity got the best of me as I stepped in the room. From that point on, my life changed.

As I got in the room, I saw a figure in the darkest corner of the room; weeping. Acting with my instincts, I called out “Hello?” The figure’s weeping suddenly came to a half as I heard chair move a bit.

“Ah, Mr. Bautista, you have come,” said a voice as it came out from the darkness. It was Ms. Vasquez who was wearing very red and wet eyes.

“Ma’am, what happened?!” I asked with an alarmed tone as I made my move to go near her. “It’s none of your business young man! Now sit there and be quiet!” she snapped. I was frightened, alright. I never knew she was so capable of producing such thunderous voice. But, I wasn’t about to give yet. I had to know. I needed an answer. I needed to keep a promise.

“Ma’am, I have to know. I think it’s not just your life that’s affected. It’s our lives too; you haven’t been able to teach us well! And all of us know that something is bothering you!” I reasoned out; I wasn’t ready to back out yet, and I wasn’t ready to give up to. I knew that this might end up as a screaming contest, and I’d have to make a gamble.

“And just what difference would it make if I told you? Come on? Speak up! Now’s you chance Daniel Bautista!” she spat. “Ma’am, with all due respect, I think that we are both humans here, and that the others outside this room are, and I think we could help you solve your problem, whatever it is!” I reasoned out as calmly as I could.

“What good could you do when they’re all gone?” she muttered miserably. “My whole family; my mother, my father and my brother were murdered while on their way to the studio where I was taping an interview. My brother had a fight with a fraternity and they hunt him down. They got all of them. They killed all of them. I was left all alone. I couldn’t bear the pain. I was all alone! I didn’t even get to repay them with all the love they have given me! And I-! I felt so hopeless! I didn’t even file a lawsuit!” she whimpered as she began sobbing uncontrollably again. ”I kept quiet all these because of the fear they’d come after me! I had to run away from all the things I’ve loved so much!” “I- I-“ “You’re sorry? It’s too late for that, right? It’s done! They’re gone! And there isn’t anything you could do about it!” she interrupted. I felt great pity for her as I stared right through her watery eyes. She was in so much pain and sorrow that her eyes gave out ominous emotions. It was too much for me to handle.

“I’m sorry. I never knew.” I felt terrible. After her outburst, I was left with nothing to react. I was too flooded with information and emotion to do anything not stupid. “You’ll never know how I feel. I lost everyone that has been there for me every time the whole world looked down on me, the one’s who loved me genuinely with all their hearts…”she trailed of in between sniffs. “You will never know,” she said.

Her words echoed through my mind for a long time. I felt good that I was able to know the reason why she had been grumpy all the time, but at the same time, I felt gravely terrible for making her feel more awful. I never knew how it is to lose someone. How does it feel anyway to lose someone you hold dear?

Another day came to pass as I walked in the wet campus of my school in the morning. The rain seemed to have continued since yesterday as it proved to be stronger. I walked passed familiar faces and familiar rooms. The day seemed really normal except for the fact that now; I hold one of the deepest secrets of one of our teachers. But that wasn’t what changed my mood. There was still an imposing question bothering me at the back of my mind. How does it feel to lose someone you hold dear? Ms. Vasquez lost her whole family and she continuously grieved for them.

Meeting up with Jay and Isabella suddenly made me fear for what I know. I felt that this piece of information that I now posses shouldn’t be something to be discussed by other people. As I saw them both coming up to me, I felt a cold rush run up my spine. Somehow, I’d have to explain all these.

“Danny! What did you get from last night?” Isabella called out as she rushed towards me while Jay followed suit while wearing a look of utter surprise. ‘I guess he didn’t know Isabella and I were friends.’ I thought to myself. As they caught up with me, both of them barraged me with tons of questions. I wished I could’ve answered them straight but I couldn’t I was too torn with the image of Ms. Vasquez crying while saying “You don’t know how it feels to lose someone dearly”.

Just then I heard screams from a classroom not far from us. Immediately, I ran as fast as I could, Jay and Isabella seemed to have followed suit also. As I got there, I saw three armed men taking aim on none other than Ms. Vasquez. She was extremely frightened as she began to retreat towards her desk.

“You think we could just forget what your brother did to us? He ruined our lives, damn it! Imagine that, which school would actually want to accept seventeen-year old murderers?!” one of the men bellowed.

“If it hadn’t been for him, then no one would have known who killed that wretched boy!” the other man shouted in frustration.

“Now, I will put an end to all your future! You’ll have no where to go now, Vasquez! Mommy and daddy’s not here to protect you! And besides, we killed them!” the other man said as he laughed will all the malice and madness there can ever be seen. All logic was gone from my thinking as before I knew it, I was already picking a fight I knew I’d never win.

“Hey you! Why don’t you just leave her alone?!” I called out. Just when the three armed men’s attention shifted towards me, Ms. Vasquez made a dash towards the exit of the classroom.

“Hey get back here!” screamed the man as he began firing his gun towards the door where Ms. Vasquez ran out. Isabella, Jay and I ran for our lives and made our way to the basketball courts.

Drenched with rain water, we saw Ms. Vasquez already in the hands of one of the armed men. They were going to shoot here. There was no more doubt about it. Just then, Ms. Vasquez’s words came back to my mind ‘You don’t know how it feels to lose someone you dear.’

Without thinking twice, I made a dash towards Ms. Vasquez and her captor. I could still hear the shouts of Jay and Isabella telling me to stop.

“Now, you die!” said the man who was holding her with a manic smile. “Shoot her!”

I jumped as far as I could so that I’d reach her faster. The rain water had been soaking my clothes and made me much slower. Still, I’d have to run as fast as my feet could take me. Just as I was in mid air and in front of her, time seems to have stopped. I could see and hear everything in slow motion.

The two armed men fired their rounds of bullets. As the bullets came towards me, the thoughts about yesterday came whizzing through my mind as the bullets finally met my flesh. Then, Ms. Vasquez’s statement came to my mind again 'You don’t know how it feels to lose someone you hold dear'.

I fell on the soaked floor, with all the bullets in my body and blood coming out. The three armed men decided to flee since the police finally came.

Jay and Isabella came rushing to me as they knelt beside me as Ms. Vasquez joined them shortly.

********************************************************

Ms. Vasquez and Isabella sobbed uncontrollably as they knelt beside me. People eventually got out to check what had just happened. Medics are on their way, but I doubt they’d make it time. I was losing blood and consciousness really fast and there was nothing else could be done.

My thoughts swirled back to what Ms. Vasquez had just said. Finally I have understood the meaning of what it is to lose someone. Seeing the faces of those whom I hold dear as I begin to pass, I know now what I should tell them.

“Ma’am,” I started, feeling my life slowly parting from my limp body. “now I know. It pains me to see the looks on your faces,” I finished as the last of my breath left my body, my spirit departing from its physical prison.

There are just some things in life that you couldn’t give explanation to without experiencing it. Perhaps, losing someone is one of them. Perhaps…

The end.

this is a short story i wote last year for my brother's elective in college before he graduated. surprisingly, it got a B+.

Very Frustrating

2005-01-18T19:22:00.000+08:00

Well, looks like 3rd quarter went down into the drain. Stupid me, I let all those extra-corricular stuff get in the way. I wasn't able to attend around 40% of all the classes this quarter due to those stuff that we had to do for the batch and the likes. That cheering thing really paid it's toll on me. After having missed classes because of the preparations for that, we still ended up losing. Stupid batch. They never know how to cooperate. All they care about is their own personal needs, they don't give a rat's ass about the batch. I'm telling you, they can be the worst batchmates ever. This is the only batch where you can feel the utter absence of unity.

The urge for a Les Paul is returning! I want one! I want one! That'd mean I'd have to raise 17k! A Les Paul is around 16,800 bucks! Damn, I can't really find any of those in Buy and Sell anymore, so that'd mean I'd have to result to a brand new. Ah basta, the only guitar I'd really want to buy right now is that!

I'm In Love!!! with a guitar. hahaha

2005-01-17T22:22:00.000+08:00

that was the guitar that i was ogling about yesterday. such a beauty, isn't she?

now, this is my new love! Ibanez Artcore AG85!!!!

I'm So Stupid.

2005-01-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

The talks about what had been happening in Iraq had been clouding my mind for a long time. For the past 2-3 years, it seems that the situation there has gone from bad to worse. Before the american invasion, with the help of the almighty Bush Doctrine, Iraq was still fine. It's citizens were living well, the people had been living simple, prosperous lives. There had been filipino ofw's there who had been making their living there to help aleviate their family's financial problems back in the Philippines. Most of those filipino ofw's had been able to settle in Iraq and managed to have a family. They had been living prosperous had been able to go about their daily lives well enough and at the same time able to send aid to their families. To be precise, the filipino OFW's all over the world remit around 1.6 billion dollars to the Philippines annually compared to the US's support funds that they give annually which is around 30 million dollars. What a shame... the Philippines has a very bad foreign policy; they actually encourage us to go abroad and seek greener pastures to help our families, but at the same time, our family bonds get shattered too because of the gap that lies between. The government needs to re-assess it's priorities since the very core of the Philippine Economy/Industry is starting to rot. The filipino farmers, whom where we count a lot to be a big help to solve our Economic problems isn't given that much priority by the government, unlike Japan, where they put their Industrial Jobs on their number 1 priority list.

When news about Bush's actions came, panic and a sense of alarm was raised. A lof of people that lived near the Military Camps had been very very afraid about their safety, knowing that the place the US Armed Forces would concentrate their attack near them when they decide to strike. Most of the families that lived there are the families that housed filipino ofw's; uncertain if they'd be able to go back to their motherland due to the family they have in Iraq and the high-costing expenses to travel. They aren't even certain if they'd be able to successfully send a message to their loved ones in the Philippines. All these proved one thing, Bush's attack was nothing but a detriment to Iraq's development.

Another thing, what happens if US collapses? It is a known fact that in the near future, they will go bankrupt. More or less, in the Asia, countries like China, North Korea, and Japan would team up to get the top dog spot. It's quite known to us that the Land of the Sleeping Dragon's starting to wake up. China's starting to gather it's nuclear arnaments, and they're military power is growing rapidly. Japan, who had been continuously growing it's technological advancements would prove to be a very invaluable ally because of the technology they could offer their allies. Who knows of the secrets they hide? And of course, North Korea has all the reasons to hate George Bush and his country, after all the restrictions and meddling. And of course, countries in the Europe would die to reclaim their spot on top of the hill after being toppled down during the World Wars.

These are troubled times we live in, troubled times, indeed.

Memories of Last Year

2005-01-16T16:21:00.000+08:00

When they were on high they afflicted the humble;
When they were rich they were reckless in pride.
And so for twenty years and more
They ruled this land.
But truly a generation passes like the space of a dream.
The leaves of the autumn of Juyei
Were tossed by the four winds;
Scattered, scattered (like leaves too) floated their ships.
And they, asleep on the heaving sea, not even in dream
Went back to home.
Caged birds longing for the clouds,--
Wild geese were they rather, whose ranks are broken
As they fly to southward on their doubtful journey.
So days and months went by; Spring came again
And for a little while
Here dwelt they on the shore of Suma
At the first valley.
From the mountain behind us the winds blew down
Till the fields grew wintry again.
Our ships lay by the shore, where night and day
The sea-gulls cried and salt waves washed on our sleeves.
We slept with fishers in their buts
On pillows of sand.
We knew none but the people of Suma.
And when among the pine-trees
The evening smoke was rising,
Brushwood, as they call it,
Brushwood we gathered
And spread for carpet.
Sorrowful we lived
On the wild shore of Suma,
Till the clan Taira and all its princes
Were but villagers of Suma

oh crap. how i miss my second year! i was able to do things with more time then. it was much much more simple. after class, i go straight home, sleep for a few hours, wake up, study, pc, then read a book to sleep! now, i can't do that! i have too many things to do and i really can't afford doing that. oh man... i haven't been able to write something for the past few months! it feels empty, like being drained... oh well, life goes on.

Another!

2005-01-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

it's been a rather long day yesterday. i had to wake up really really early for the la salle auditions in state condominium IV. it was alright; the amps were really nice and sounded really great. the drumset was nice too! i'm sure abi really had a good time with it. the only thing we really didn't like was the p.a system for the vocalist- karaoke! pero, ayus lang, astig parin! there were a lot of good bands too that played. we don't know most of the bands that played there but they were great. there was this one band that played their compositions that really sounded radio-friendly. our turn was really good too, except for the fact that we nearly screwed-up learn to fly because mio and i entered the post-chorus too early. but it was great none the less, i guess everlong was quite enough to get it back on track.

Happy 18th Birthday, Leanne! her debut was nice! there were a lot of people that came, most of them we didn't know. it was a bit embarassing since we were running really late and add the fact that mio and peter are part of the 18 roses, and Julie was part of the 18 candles. it was really tense, that moment, but we came through fine. we managed to get there before the time was ultimately up. there were bands from ateneo high that played there, they were okay, but i have to say this, there was this one band that really really got to our nerves because of the voice quality. they gave a good try with the songs they covered, but the voice wasn't really there. after the whole affair, we went to eastwood to kill some more time. that place gets more and more packed each time we go there! it's really getting cramped up and the whole homy feeling that was there once when it wasn't too cramped up is beginning to really vanish. i was able to recognize a few people there when we were walking and taking a look at shops and restaurant, anton and miguel was there, and i think i saw karla zulueta in jack's loft. well, the girl looked like her. it's been a really really long time since i last saw that person. (haha!)

only around 40 days left before school ends. i really can't wait for 3rd year to be over. it's been really really tiresome! with all the workload that's really really hard to catch up when you miss a couple of days! plus all of the added extra-curricular stuff we had to put of to; debate, arnis, musidfast, cpl, and those subject events! (sayawit, cultural dance, choral, etc.) ANNOYING!!! although the retreat was a really nice experience. it gave me a chance to get to know more about myself and my friends too. the palanca's helped too. they really did! despite all the tumultuous circumstances, all the cases and such, it was great! we had an awesome fair this year; for the first time in claretian school fair history, there was a band concert!!! yeba! sugarfree, sponge cola, and sandwhich played along with the other bands that came with them and the winner of the musicfest 2004, anonimity.

i can't wait for summer. i don't know what will happen there! i want to take guitar lessons and improve more on how i play. i also want to learn more how to improvise jam! i want Bandido to have their first EP! more gigs for the band, of course! I WANT A COLLEGE REVIEW!!! there is no way in hell i won't get in Ateneo for college! i want to go there! that'd be the only way for me to redeem myself after screwing up my gradeschool life in Ateneo Grade School. i want to play in the basketball league back in antipolo again like last summer! it's always fun to visit my friends there! they're always so cheerful and carefree! reminds me of the wonder years! :D

to complete all of the things i'm looking forward to, i'll give you a line from a song that talks about it "Eto nang gabing di malilimutan; dahan-dahan tayong nagtinginan. parang atin ang gabi, para bang wala tayong katabi. at tayo'y sumayaw na parang di na tayo bibitaw!"

outsie

Doo dee doo dee doo

2005-01-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

I Believe In a Thing Called Love by The Darkness

"I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day
You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!"

You played it cheesy and campy in 2004, but you know how to rock out.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

You Are 17 Years Old

17

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

hwehwehwehwe!

Iron Dukes to Bandido!

2005-01-15T02:29:00.000+08:00

Today will be remembered as one of the most fruitful days of the month. maybe the year. lot's of memorable stuff took place today.. well, actually last night. (haha)

cheering practice was pretty alright, although there weren't as many people as we would've wanted, the people who attended participated well. it's good to know that not all of our batchmates are indifferent and... nevermind! anyway, those who stayed there and will come tomorrow will get huge plus points in the exams and the card grade as well in almost all of the subjects! hah! i'm one of them!

the main event of the night, SERUM! man, that gig really rocked! for the record, xavier really had a nice campus! it's very... clean and pleasant! anyway, there were really a lot of good bands that played there. peter's band, well at least the band that he manages, Mortifera, was there. man, they were GOOD! they covered some songs that we want to cover too! two thumbs up for them and all hands down! we had a great gig, abi was really hitting it hard on the drums and it really sounded good! overall, the set we did was tight. according to most of the poeple we've been able to bump into then. sam's band, Barely Legal played too. now, that band, is really really good! no wonder they won the battle of the bands in ac! they're really really good! saludo rin ako sa kanila! idol!

again, i've been able to experience exquisite food, thanks to mio's tito. mio was told to follow to their dinner in a chinese restaurant in edsa shangrila. the food there's just simply the best! i tried to eat as much as i can but i was already half-full since we already ate some back there in xavier. mio and i kept on talking about future plans with the band, we've decided to change the name... well, to a more suitable one. and we just hope this one lasts, i really like the name, of course, i came up with the idea to use this word! (haha) from now on, we are now called as "Bandido"! we'll be using that name on our next gig, which is on january 22, if i remember right. you know what, sometimes i just can't simply believe the overwhelming number of gigs that we have. it seems unreal at times; that i'd wake up in my bed as a 10-year old again. anyway, we're working on our first original right now. mio came up with some really neat riffs, i ought to do my part to and write the lyrics for it. we plan to present that song on the 22nd, since it is, after all, a battle of the bands. we have to show our own style and swagger! yowza!

i need caaaaaash!!! i want to buy this guitar that mio found! it's 14,000 bucks! a second hand epiphone les paul!!! darn it! i told my brother about it, and he's still thinking about it! man, if i were to be asked, i'd want that more than a cell phone! that's a really nice guitar! you could go check it in google if you want to!

i hope Santa Claus answers birthday wishes too! :D

Happy New Year!!!

2005-01-01T02:10:00.000+08:00

Well, this marks another year! another start! a fresh new start for everything! it's a time to right you're misgivings and shortcomings the previous year.

well, i do hope people would stick to their resolutions! Happy New Year, everyone!! :D

pen

2004-12-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

free me from this cyclinder that imprisons me
i shall spread my self thoughout this seemingly endless canvas
may the path laid curved, or straight be
my blood shall seep through the pass

i speak for the unspoken minds
i shout for the repressed hearts
i seal the formal talks
i break the agreed covenants

they use me,
they thrash me.
whatever my fate be,
my purpose shall continue as it is supposed to be

i am the underrated
i am the unnoticed
i am the one that notes what needs be quoted
i am the pen you use to write.

loooong time!

2004-12-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

things have been going to fast lately. time's been changing all too fast for me. it's as if yesterday was still summer, and i was yet to enroll myself in school. and now, i'm only a few months away from going to summer again before hitting the school for my senior year. wow. it's just... amazing! how fast time flies. i guess, i'm really enjoying this year. i mean, i've been able to outdo my old self after quite a long time. i've been able to achieve things that i've only wished i could've a good year ago. i wonder how long would this so called golden days last... how long?

hrmn, i wonder if we'll really make it big for music. i mean, our bands. the bands that i'm in right now. i feel guilty for not putting my attention to namoo. i feel i've caused some damages to tobee and paeng for leaving the band behind after the musicfest. i'll have to find a way to make it up to them. somehow. iron dukes had bee really great, it's been a great time. abi, ephraim, rj, and mio. haha nothing but good memories! and of course, wow! dude, pare! it's the good guys! i can only dream on how far this band can really go! not to be biased, but i think this is the best band i've ever been. its so... exceptional... in many ways! ez, mio, gabs and issa, you guys rock! :D

of course, all these would not be possible if not for the presence of the people around me. my friends in school; carlo, ez, wowie, james, tobee, perfy, dino, robin, janlo, nathan, and all the others. they were there when i was in need in school; whether it'd be homework, debate matters, projects, answers to some items during quizzes (haha), whatever! it's been fun! the katipuneros! mio, ez, sabs, issa, marla, mercedes, gabs, yeni, peter! they were there through thick and thin! especially ez, mio and peter! the remnants of the pandesal gang, who i've been hanging out ever since my freshman year.

masaya to!

regret

2004-08-31T19:17:00.000+08:00

apparently, i'm not the only one getting really frustrated with the things around me.
i've been able to talk to marco recently. and it seems that he as well is having his own problems. man, its been a long time since i've been able to spend time with him. i feel really guilty for not keeping the ties with him as alive as before. maybe it really was my fault that we aren't as close as before. oh well.

i really miss the good old days. i mean, sure i'd rather not think about school during those days because i was still suffering badly during those days. bad grades and everything. aside from the really great friends i have right now, its the grades that's keeping me sane nowadays. sometimes, i really want to go back to the days of yesteryear. when mio, marco and i were seen together almost everyday. practically inseperable. i miss those days. that no matter how much rash we were, we still got to enjoy life's pleasures. "always look on the bright side of life" as marco would sing before. i mean, now i really don't even know what's happening with his life. for all i know, he's doing really great in school. his team's doing pretty great too, as i've heard from him when we last talked. man.

i really want the old days back.

with KAFE in katipunan re-openning in a couple of day's time, a sudden rush of old memories flooded my mind. the days where ez, peter, mio, marco, mark and i would go there every weekend to watch bands play. it was really uplifting; as if there's no more tomorrow. like nothing else mattered. i was with the people that made my world go round during those days. the one's that helped me go through my problems when i couldn't find the courage to ask hel from my brothers.they were the ones who were ever-willing to take up the task and help me find the solution. i really miss those days

i feel the really big gap in me as the years passed by. i still anticipate the weekends with the same eagerness and anxiety. but then again, there's no more of that. kafe's no more. and so was our big barkada. i feel a bit lost. especially when we left the village. i really felt out of place and disregarded. for months i took solace in the roof of my house. just like i did with the balcony of our old house. but nothing's the same. no more late-night walks with mio and the others. no more mio dancing wildly in the middle of the street late at night.its such a pain to remember those and to realize that its far from reality nowadays.

if i could do something for that to come true again. for all of us to be together again; as one group, sharing those good old days...

that'd be something worth sacrificing a lot.

3 questions

2004-08-30T18:57:00.000+08:00

I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want.
Then I want you to go to your journal,
copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Don't use the tagboard!
Use the comments button. ;P
Kasi kung tagboard mabilis mawawalan ng space. So there. Hahaha. :D

i got this from sabs's blog. anyway, same goes for here, so, feel free to do this thing if you want to. haha

waha! i'm alive once more!

2004-07-31T16:54:00.000+08:00

i've been dying to log-in to this blog for sooooooooooooo long. now i have, HAHA! hmmm, check my xanga though coz it has the latest posts http://www.xanga.com/friday_cone.

i don't know if i'll still be using this since i've gotten a bit comfy with xanga's settings so... i really don;t know yet

Boggar-itis

2004-07-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

everybody loves our dog, bogart. they say he's so cute and adorable and fuzzy and big and huggable. haaay he's a monster as well you know! hahaha

that's his pic there, with the little stray kitten. haaay, that was taken sometime around christmas morning if my memory serves...

stress

2004-06-29T18:42:00.000+08:00

school hasn't passed the 1-month mark yet...

and my class has already required an impending case! great! sira kami kagad sa mga teacher! gulo kagad june palang! - oh wait, here's the best part: the one(s) who gave that case were *drum roll* all of our subject teachers!!!

there was never a minute that our class every shut up. EVER. damn. i seriously do not know how am i to deal with it since it is my responsibility as an officer.

stress, migrane, pressure all at the same time.

oh how lucky can you get in life.

dreams?

2004-06-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

i wonder... if you could choose your own dream. what dream would you want?

i see myself standing in the middle of a very small room. it's a small 4-sided room with black and white tiles. there's no door. no window. i move towards one side of the wall, touches it, and notices the wall rippling as if you touched water. then the wall was no more. instead, you see people- walking down the street.

there are cars passing by. people walking, going about with their daily lives as they continue to walk and talk with their companions. sitting by the bus stop, reading the newspaper while taking a sip of their favorite coffee.

as i start to walk, it starts to rain. i stepped out of the room, everything stopped.

everything.

the rain paused in mid air. the people froze. the sounds comming from everywhere was gone.

i look around, wondering. what had caused all this? i stare in to the end of the street, and i see something so magnificent. something so resplendant in form.

it overwhelms me. taking over every inch of me. sorrounding me with warmth. my mind overflows with many images. images of my past. my childhood. my adventures. my toils. my happiness.

happiness

then you wake up. wanting to go back to sleep and dream some more.

2004-06-24T05:12:00.000+08:00

i didn't go to school yesterday. haha damn fever came back. well, later i'd be of to school once more.

(hmmm, effective, may tinamaan dun sa random comment ko last time *ehehehehe* **evil smile**) tama na nga, peace na haha

for me, i shall prepare to go to school now.

INSOMNIA - SUGARFREE

2004-06-21T15:57:00.000+08:00

what if...

what if the sun burns out tomorrow?

will the north star be able to give us enough warmth and light?

what if there won't be a tomorrow?

will today be enough for all of us?

ack. boredom once more. yes, i am still locked up here at home. not doing anything. this is the first time i had been allowed to use the pc. i've been literally bed-ridden for 3 whole days due to fever and the like. trangkaso in tagalog. my body temp went higher than 40 most of the time so it was hellish hot anf chilly cool at the same time. rar. those what if's had been a product of the last person whom i was able to talk to recently. you know who you are, and i think i don't need to mention your name. but here are 2 clues if ever you don't know yourself haha (i seriously doubt anyway) 1)upper hair? 2)DIVA! hahahahaha

oh how i wish i could copy a devil's smile.

croup and vandemar are my idols. hahaha

ok, too much neverwhere for me. (Hunter's foxy as well!) wahahaha

the best friend

2004-06-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

a lot of people are freaking out. hahaha palitan ang mood. eto, pero parang olats eh. anyway...

you, the great confidant. the robin to every batman, the satellite to every planet. you're a bright star shining behind the shadow of another. a great spectacle of magnificence dying to be discovered. a pandora's box of many great splendor. an outburst of life's beauty and infinite euphoria. a perfect replica of heaven down on earth. your eyes that invites one to peer through your windows and into your soul of innocence and purity. your voice as enticing as the song of nightingales. lips that leave a tease to it's beholder for a chance to kiss. a kiss that would kill; relieving one from all the bonds and burdens. a great enigma it is that no one cares to notice. that none dared to see through and beyond the lines and your flaws. a brilliant dancer waltzing away alone with little people who dared to watch. dancing the night away with every move your body makes that takes one's breath away. a pleasurable torment for a thief who would steal your heart. you can never be second to anyone. you're in a league of your own; dominating every aspect; a diva of many things.

this is what it means to anger me

2004-06-14T19:29:00.001+08:00

insanity

madness

the carnage a madman feels. all the hate in the world piling up. morethan what the heart could muster.

the craving.

the longing for blood to be spilled. for make rasputin tremble before the manic tortures he's never encountered before even after death.

death in the darkest way

death in the most wicked way

you who has broken the balance

you who has changed the push to a shove, shall feel what the ninth level of hell is all about. shall experience of torturing beyond death's bounderies.

an eternity of torment

an eternity of pain and suffering

as your maker rips the flesh of your mortal body

as he stips whatever's left on your spirit

you will bleed a river of blood

and the halls of heaven and hell will echo your screems

you will suffer.

traitor

2004-06-14T17:42:00.000+08:00

a knife.

an assassin.

a snake.

a filthy, guiltless creature that hides in the covers as a friend while you watch him with both your eyes.

a great preteder that blinds you from the pressing truth.

silent as the calm air. smooth as the flow of placid water. he makes his move among the sea of turned backs.

a traitor he is. leading you on and on.

beware.

i shall have my revenge.

you crossed the line.

Auguries of Innocence

2004-06-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

this is one of the most magnificent poems i've ever read... anyway, enjoy

Auguries of Innocence
-William Blake

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.

A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.

A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.

A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.

Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.

The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.

The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.

He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.

The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.

The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.

He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.

The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.

The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.

The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.

It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.

Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.

The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;

This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.

The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.

The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.

One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.

He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.

He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.

The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.

The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.

When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.

The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.

If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.

The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.

The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.

We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.

God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.

2004-06-09T22:37:00.000+08:00

sometimes its too exhausting to write more entries. even if you wanted to, even if you force yourself, you just couldn't pull one good one out of your sleeves.

what a shame.

school starts tomorrow

2004-06-08T21:09:00.000+08:00

wow, summer ended faster than i wanted it to end. much more, sep ended faster than i expected it. yes, i had fun this summer. it turned out pretty great. yeah, i met and got to know more a lot of great people this summer, there's merc, marla, ben, jovic, yeni, ralf, paul, and ISSA! (i'm so sorry i missed out!!!) grabe. i just wish everyday could be spent like those days. that's what makes summer so likeable maybe. life would be dull without friends.

lessons have been taught and learned this summer. not just inside the classroom, but on the outside as well. yes, there are important things that you'll can learn outside the classroom. there are some things that will be of more importance to those of the things you'll learn inside a classroom.

all those escapades, parties, hang-outs were some of the things that made summer very much enjoyable. yes, classes are out, but the things that made it better was the times spent with the people that means much to you- friends, to be exact. you don't really get to spend as much time as you want with them during the schoolyear.

aaaaaaaaaaaack. so much for that. school starts tomorrow! hahaha

2004-05-31T18:35:00.000+08:00

phew! home free. i have successfully enrolled myself for this schoolyear. yay! no more worries!

today was quite a drag. spent most of it sleeping but eventually waking up with a dog ontop of me. a big dog to be exact. (damn brother, kept throwing the fetch ball towards the couch i was sleeping on.)

phone calls with ben's starting to become a habbit. much more of a routine actually. he's the human thought/emotion detector! haha his human empathy level is quite high! hahaha

by the way, that last post was something live my viewpoint on ben. haha the mysterious bartender. wahaha lasingero!! hahaha peace!

mio's in tagaytay, which means, my hang-outs in katipunan will be lessened. GET BACK HERE!!! HURRY!!! nyahaha

2004-05-30T22:50:00.000+08:00

it was a bit dim and empty inside the bar during that evening. i sat by the barkeep's counter as he pours me another round of whiskey.

"another of those nights, eh?" he asked nonchalantly as he pours the liquor to my glass. i nodded as a sign of confirmation to his suspects. yes, it was indeed one of those nights. work had been a mess, my beloved has once more ran off with another love. it always seemed to be the doom of all for me in the beginning. i always found myself wasting away in this same bar each and everytime i came from a tussle.

"aye, three years it has been, young lad. still down with that dryspell of yours, i see," he picks up his stool and places it near me. pats me on the back as i took in the water of my salvation. the drink that was the temporary remedy to my melancholy. my folly. and my pain.

"pain walks hand in hand with pleasure, young man. you have to accept pain as if it never hurt you. take it from me. been there, done that."

time and time again, that bartender put up against my rants. as well as the whines of all the other drunkards that would care to share their tale. yet, i realized, if everyone has their story, what was the story of the barkeep? does he wear a mask to block out all his pain? what happened to him that he has all these knowledge?

surely, not all knew the enigma that sorrounded the bartender. not all knew his tale.

moreover..

maybe no one knew at all..

i just pictured that thing in my head as i was typing.. gahh, i'm not as motivated as before to write. i know im near to another alternative source of motivation. but i'm scared to use it as my inspiration. well, its a risk.

huweeeeeeeee

2004-05-26T09:06:00.000+08:00

i've just finished sabs' and issa's cds. haha i haven't slept yet! not even an hour! haha but it's fine. it was for a cause wahahaha anyways. burning process next. weyahooooooo

2004-05-26T07:04:00.000+08:00

Must of been mid afternoon
I could tell by how far the child's shadow stretched out and
He walked with a purpose
In his sneakers, down the street
He had, many questions
Like children often do
He said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
Tell me am I very far?

Must of been late afternoon
On our way the sun broke free of the clouds
We count only blue cars
Skip the cracks, in the street
And ask many questions
Like children often do
We said,
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I would really like to meet her.
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God,
Cause I am on my way to see her.
So tell me am I very far
Am I very far now?

Its getting cold picked up the pace
How our shoes make hard noises in this place
Our clothes are stained
We pass many, cross eyed people
And ask many questions
Like children often do

Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I would really like to meet her.
And ask her why we're who we are.
Tell me all your thoughts on God?
'Cause I am on my way to see her.
So tell me am I very far?
Am I very far now?

-counting blue cars, dishwalla

rock?

2004-05-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

Classic rock! Without you the other genres
wouldn't exist! You are the raw and original
sound of rock! Other genres may try to imitate
your rawness, but they can never be like you!

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmm, classic rock? haha nice. got this from sabs' blog. at long last the modem is fixed. back to work then.

2004-05-22T20:04:00.000+08:00

love.

why do people have to mind it so much?

they say it's the only word that can make the world spin a different direction. or can turn the tides of the winds differently.

well, as merc likes to say,

love is overrated.

overrated? yes. overused? perhaps.

but still, i keep asking myself? do i know what love is?

i don't know.

love comes in different forms i guess. like a gummy bear comming in with different colors. each color represents a different taste, but its still yummy and sweet all the same. like so, love comes in many forms, and they are intended differently, but they all make you feel... "loved"

rediscovering some things.

2004-05-22T19:29:00.000+08:00

i never thought i'd see myself dancing again. after a long time. nagsimula sa maliliit na galaw, maya maya, yugyugan na!. i still suck at it though, but who cares? dancing is dancing! hahaha

2004-05-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

a stroll around ateneo around 8 in the morning tomorrow sounds fine. hmm, i need to think a lot. and i'm really itching for a walk. i'll just have to bring a jacket or something...

2004-05-18T14:31:00.000+08:00

oh, uhh, yeah... i didn't go to sep today. just didn't feel like going. and... hahaha

so here i am, stuck infront of the pc. playing all sorts of songs.

nothing's so loud
as hearing when we lie
the truth is not kind
and you've said neither am i
but the air outside so soft is saying everything
everything

all i want is to feel this way
to be this close, to feel the same
all i want is to feel this way
the evening speaks, i feel it say...

nothing's so cold
as closing the heart when all we need
is to free the soul
but we wouldn't be that brave i know
and the air outside so soft, confessing everything
everything

and it won't matter now
whatever happens to me
though the air speaks of all we'll never be
it won't trouble me

and it feels so close
let it take me in
let it hold me so
i can feel it say...

-all i want, toad the wet sprocket

haha nice song. anyways, back to always with you, always with me.

thats the best song. haha OH WELL

i wonder what'll happen when school starts. what will be the changes and all that. its been quite a pleasant summer. especially during the later part. i really enjoyed it. thanks to the people i was with.

right now, i'm craving for a cold drink. haha. (mio!)

must have.

2004-05-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

i really can't understand why people tend to get intimidated when they're being looked in the eye while conversing. its better that way actually. after all, eyes are the windows to one's soul. right.

but still.

i for one, like eyes. i like to look at peoples eyes when i talk to them. you get more sucked-in to them while staring at them. driving you crazy not to break your gaze. like a pair of black pearls shining genuinely. asn if you stare good enough, you'll manage to make up figures from one's eyes.

i'm obviously babbling incoherent stuff right now. *the frustration*

headaches.

puevagreveni.

2004-05-18T01:12:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i hate being at home. i can't think straight. a lot of things had been clogged in my head for staying inside the four wall of our abode too long. its really chaotic once you've thought about it. and its a bit disturbing as well.

i feel alone when i'm at home. maybe its because of the age gap between my brothers. its hard being the youngest. but i don't have any qualms about it. its fun being the youngest as well. its just that, they seem so distant. and i can't reach them sometimes. its like they're in a different plane- a different state of mind. they're way more mature than i am. they have problems to worry, jobs to attend and salaries to earn. on the other hand, i have time to slack, homeworks to study, school to attend, and friends to hang-out with.

most of the time, i'm by myself here alone. and my companion would be the trusty pc, bogart and bryanne. the two dogs we have. nice huh? there isn't much to read here in the house since its mostly in my sister's room. which is off-limits for me.

for once, i really want to spend more time with people the same as my age. all my life i've been sorrounded by people older than me. i'm the youngest for crying out loud! and i was a house-boy before. well, until i was 5 though, when i would go out every afternoon to play with the neighbors. haha those were the days, alright.

i wish life could that be care-free.

but now, the principle of action-reaction really eats you alive. and it can really drive you nuts. the older you get, the more you worry about things. the more you get consious on how you look. the more you get aware on how you socialize with people. why, for once, can't we just forget all those stuff? i mean, some people tend to become other people just to try and please other people. truthfully though, you can't please the whole world.

its just simply impossible.

ack. there i am again with those things relating to possibilty and impossibility.

one monday

2004-05-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

today was really fun. i would like to quote mio's line when i asked him "i spent the day with real people." yep. thats the right way to put it.

i actually cut classes and i was happy i did. haha it was worth the trouble, anyway. even running along katipunan ave. while raining hard was a totally new experience now. -yes i've done that before, but this time it was more fun.

my head throbs and my mind is in chaos. i dont know what to think though. maybe hanging-out in cloud 9 too long isn't too good for you. haha oh well

smiles for a brand new day

2004-05-17T05:04:00.000+08:00

wow. i can't believe that i woke up. hahaha (it's a miracle!)

i'll be leaving in an hour and a half's time for katipunan. yep. i'm going to ateneo early. for some reason, it's the first time i've woken up without wanting to sleep back again... -it must be the side-effect of joe satriani's song. mann, i'm very addicted to that one. (thanks mio!!!)

i'll be back in a while. i'll just cook myself breakfast. hmmm. i wonder what's in the kitchen... lemme see.... GHOSTS!!! @_@ wahahaha

later.