Sputnik

2006-05-15T01:37:00.000+08:00

And yes, once more I find myself writing what I feel away. Its good to have multiple blogs; once your primary blog gets infested with hypocritical comments from anonymous people that are to scared to put their name or just smart enough to use the correct grammar when typing in their insults- well, there’s always this blog to run to.

But I’m not here about that.

Today, when I woke up, I felt sore inside out- it’s a feeling that you normally get after 10 rounds worth of beating in an arnis tournament. After the adrenaline has finally disappeared, your vulnerability comes back with thump that would make you grit in pain. But what’s different about this agony is that it’s not physical…
It’s hard to find the proper time to take a breather. 3 months ago, there I was sitting in my classroom comforting myself to the thought that summer’s the time where I can breathe the free air.

Wrong.

Freedom is a superficial fantasy (that’s my take on it). People want this thing/idea so much but when they get it, its either they don’t know what to do with it or they’re doing the wrong things with it.
Here I am, at the peak of summer, trying my very best to keep a cool and collected front while inside my shell, I panic. I freak out.

I’m running out of time.

Not so long ago, I received a letter from the blue and white. It wasn’t the big white envelope that I was praying my ass off for. Man, that guy upstairs really likes to mess up with me. My options are wearing thin- a week ago, my interview for another university got cancelled because of german measles. I was under solitary confinement for 1 whole week. At the same time, I was unable to take part in the elimination round of the bandfest my band took part in. the band didn’t make it. The vocalist finally left the band.
In one whole week, I watched helplessly how my life took another unwanted turn. Now, fresh off the “bartolina”, I open a door that leads to an empty space. Totally clueless what lies ahead of me; my plans had failed. Even the safeties failed.

I messed up bad.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout the last 4 years that I’ve taken writing seriously, circumstances like these are the most difficult situations to pin down into flamboyant words. It’s my life at its finest and I’m stomped. Too baffled to find thread in the right words to fit the lines.
Now, there are so many decisions to be made, too little time to spare. Apart from that, the delayed feeling of grief and sadness comes crashing down like a flashflood unto me at my most exposed state. Like an amateur boxer who lets his guard down against a seasoned boxer. In a blink of an eye, thunder and lightning came unto the amateur.

Pity, isn’t it? Well, that’s life.

I’m scared. Yes I admit. I’m still standing in the start line while all the others are in the opening stages already. I don’t know which way to run my ass off. I don’t even know if I still have the strength to lift my feet. Once more, I’m humbled with these things happening to me. My lack of foresight and maturity has led me into such a mess. Overdependence led me to this.
It is in these times that I just want so badly to regress to the days where I still wandered the halls of that school. How things seemed so reassuring, comforting, and worth-while.

How I wish I can sit for a while and breathe..

Hard Drive

2006-05-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

Recent Posts Below.

If you read this journal,

even if I don't speak to you often,

post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want,

it can be good or bad,

just so long as it happened

Please put your posts in the comments box, not on the tagboard! haha POOOOOST!

Bandido Gig Sched! Please watch!!! It would mean a lot if you could!

May 12 - Baywalk, Manila (60s theme!)

May 16 - Makati Sports Grill (tentative)

May 17 - Metrowalk @ Ortigas

May 18 - Rockwell / Greyhoundz Album Launch @ Paskong Pasiklab in Commonwealth!

May 21 - Eastwood (80s theme!)

May 28 - Padi's Point @ monumento with Sugarfree!

end of all things

2006-03-12T05:52:00.000+08:00

its probably been a long time since i last posted anything. here and in my lj...

its been hard to find the right words of what i felt recently, with all the impending changes... all the problems i'm about to face and well, the greif of being left behind.

i started this school year with hopes of having some sort of change in me when the year ends. i yearned to learn something, something that would make me stronger, and wiser- a recipe to deal with things maturely. perhaps, i got more than what i bargained.

i've experienced a lot of new things in my life this school-year, especially in school. because of the fact that i've been quite detached from the normal social circle that i move around in- the life i had/have with mio, the katipuneros, etc... i started to spend a bit more time in school, thinking that since its my last year ever to dwell in those walls as a student, i better not waste any more time just doing nothing.

it was a risk.

after all, mio's leaving too. and the uncertainty of his coming back is still big. i certainly hope with all i've got that he does. 10 years of investing memories, emotions and all that is something i can certainly not give up just like that. it's hard, yep i have to admit that. it's really hard to see the one person that's not your blood that you treat just like your blood, to start turning around and walking away from you and towards that door, where the light comes from. and as he leaves, the door closes, leaving you in alone in that darkness. it's been a constant dream. something that never failed me to feel a chill. waking up in the dead hours of the night with a cold sweat. being left by someone that meaningful to your life can be the saddest and loneliest feeling you'll ever feel. for months i've been experimenting different methods on trying to lessen the pain- a remedy of sorts that would numb me when its time to see him of in the airport, which is by the way the loneliest place in this good earth. i got depressed, i shed tears, i failed to eat, i couldn't sleep... but the worst thing that i could never forgive myself is that i ran away... i failed to realize that in these last months, i should've been there and not away. regret is such a pain in the ass. but, just like she said, 'don't grieve over something that hasn't happened yet. you're denying everyone, including you of enjoying the remaining moments that you should enjoy'. thanks for always being there.

i've never been close to my school. i've never experienced being chums with my religion teacher, with our section's wing's janitor, the level leader, and the counselor- not until this year. perhaps its part of my own personal closure. i wanted to feel my school. i wanted to really have something to grasp when everything gets rough. i've never felt the things i've felt here. the bond, the company- its just so different. i'll never forget it.

some wise sould taught me this this school year- the past is there for you to look back on, but the present is there for you to live in. and in all things, the future is there for you to look forward to. thank's for always reminding me to always live in the now, and not to cling to forever.

thank you.

come to think of it, i owe a lot of people an explanation. for all the cryptic conversation and for all the unsaid things. yup, you're one of them kid. god, you have no idea how i miss you and your company. i'd gladly give anything for that walk to gate3 again.

music, as i've always believed, is a key to people's hearts. and it hasn't failed me. this year, i've gotten to know almost all the other people i've never really gotten close with. thanks to music, the same passion that burns deep within them, it provided us a common ground- something to start with. as time passed, other commonalities showed up and the bond just kept on growing stronger. just when i thought i was about to prepare myself to be alone, i wasn't anymore.

now, i am technically not a high school stundent anymore- practically one step away from being a graduate, one week away from temporarily (i hope) losing the physical presence of a brother from another mother, one month away from saying farewell to a guiding light and a year away to the promised land.

for once, i was able to withstand not being involved in a matter of the heart- a flame of sorts. i was able to shield myself away from that inevitable pain. i've kind of accepted the fact that i'll always be the one that gets left behind by the breeze when it comes to this department and its okay. i guess its my fault too- i could've done something to sweep her off her feet, but perhaps it wasn't in me. perhaps there's nothing really there for her to feel, or perhaps...

i'm still scared...

one day, my time will come, be it by an irregular circumstance or not, i'll take on it.

here i am now, absorbing all these facts, facing different levels of being left. but hey, i'm still alive and kicking, right?

all that i was, all that i am right now, and all that i can and will be tomorrow... i owe them all to you guys. thank you.

2005-08-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

Spent would be one word to desrcibe what I'm feeling right now. I can't believe it, UPCAT's finnaly done. The pieces are already set and now all I can do is to keep on doing a better job with my grades and hope that I make the cut. A few weeks from now will be another test that would dictate my future, ACET. Take note, Ateneo and UP are the only 2 schools that I applied for for college. If I don't pass both, well, we'll see what happens haha.

There's something bothering me, haunting me wherever I go, asleep or awake. It's become a behemoth of sorts, a towering monster of memories and emotions theatening to drown me at any given moment. It's scary because I'm really feeling tired of all the masquerade that's been happening. It's hard to look happy when you're not and it's tough to feel you're alright when you're actually not. I tend to become a very emotional person when it comes to things that mean a lot to me; to the things that I keep really close to my heart. That's more or less why I can't really make my brain work properly with this clogged right smack in the middle of my pipes. I have to get this out of my system before I blow up and bid sanity farewell. As dear'ol RJ would say...

"Oh the pain" "Oh, the rupture"

2005-06-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

There's always a point in time that you practically run out of things to blog about for weeks and weeks. Crap, its such a waste because when you're in the mood to type, you can't seem to find something blog about and you search your brain endlessly for something to blog about.

I guess I can say school's been alright.. Met up with a lot of my friends, CAT was fun actually. Tiresome but fun. I'm just a bit ashamed of my stature (cadet) since its another potential bully-liability for my wonderful sibblings because they were all officers back then. Pweh. Sometimes it just really sucks to have so many brothers. haha

Once more my fortune (if that's what you can still call it) hit the same note. I got in one of the noisiest sections in the batch, possibly even in the whole highschool because our batch's the noisiest batch. HAHA Tough luck, once more, the daily big time sermons and delays with the lessons reunite with me. Yep, tragic, eh? Not that I'm saying "Oh God, I'm in hell, please save me!" My classmates are actually okay. But grouping us together under one section's just plain stupid I guess. (sorry for the lack of term) Maybe its a good thing I'm not an officer anymore. It's not my main problem anymore if the class is in deep shit.

On that note, I'm kinda missing that sense of importance and responsibility though. Do you ever get that feeling? That whenever you get sermoned, well when your section does, you feel that the initial part of the blame's aimed at you. And that it gives you this insatiable desire to stand up and speak up. Or that whenever the class president's being called out, I sometimes find myself kinda standing up automatically and all. Its just unusual since I've grown to get used to it so much that whenever that happens, the first thing that comes to my head is "Shit, I wonder what's happening?" There goes my greatest annoyance. BEING LEFT IN THE DARK.

Okay, lets face it. We can't really know everything that's happening around us. But when you know something's up, and its being kept purposely away from you is just outright f*cked up. Seriously, I think that's rude. I'm guilty of the same charge sometimes so I guess its quits. What I hate even more is when people whisper in front of you and then giggle at the same time. OH GOD! I want to rip their heads off!!! Get a room or something!

Wala, its the same old story folks, drama drama drama, its getting a tad bit too bland writing about the "long durations of sadness" (as Mio would have it) aka depression. That emotion can be seen in every blog. Trust me. And besides, what's the point of flaunting that you're depressed, right? It's not like a miracle would come crashing down to you and God would smile upon you to give you your most precious desire. TSSSS crap.

Religion class was interesting earlier. Our teacher and I got tangled up between the discussion about Socrates' take on what is right and what is not and also the Machiavellian principle. Actually, I do belive that good and evil's only a point of view. Sometimes you have to do a little evil to achieve a great deal of goodness. Take the Muslims and Christians during the time of the crusades, both of them were fighting for that they believe is right. No one actually has the right to dictate what is universally right and wrong.

Well, that's just how I view it..

2005-06-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its just better to say nothing at all because saying something will only make you say what you're trying so hard to keep inside.

2005-06-10T16:46:00.000+08:00

The first week of school seemed to be like a stoll in the park and a slide-show of hell for some reason. My adviser was funny, he's nice and he's already quite used to our section's behavior. Oh yeah, our class would seem to be the noisiest section in our batch (wow, something new! RIGHT) as some of our teachers would care to claim. As espected, the things I've left behind during the summer came haunting me back as soon as it got a chance to. If I continue to keep on indulging it, I'd end up being a real jealous person. It would seemt that most of the things that I've aspired from the start had been slipping away one-by-one for me. Nevertheless, 1 more year, as I've promised myself, after I graduate, I'd leave everything that's around me behind and start all over. Sure, there are a lot of wonderful things to be remembered here, but at the same time, there are a lot of things as well that would leave me staggering for comfort whenever those things brush through my mind. I'll talk more of this later..

Anyway, as I've been saying earlier, school's been a mix of heaven and hell. I never thought that I'd actually want to crawl back to my 3rd year history teacher and beg her to teach us Economics. It would seem that our Eco teacher this year doesn't know to do anything except to teach Economics, express her opinions exessively and descriminate us. She always, always, ALWAYS finds something to pick at us! The way we sit down, the way we write, the way we stand, even the way we look and how we blink our eyes. Geddemmet. People like her should be chopped-off limb per limb then be burned in hell. Can you imagine, first day na first day, nagbigay kagad ng Homily! Talo pa niya yung nagsesermon sa El Shadai eh.

This other heavy feeling was lifted off my shoulders just today- earlier today actually. At last, I finally escaped elections. I lost the presidential elections. I really didn't want to be an officer anymore, but there's still a part of me that still called out and be one one last time. Of course, I was a bit disappointed I lost, rest assured, I was still okay with the result because I lost to a better man. That's how everything goes I guess, when you lose, it would mean that the person that won's a better man for that aspect. As the basketball commentators say "The ball doesn't lie" haha labo. Anyway, I guess one good thing to think of whenever you don't get your way is that you always do get things your way, although not in the form you expected it to be. That's why when you get it, you're confussed, baffled and disappointed with it. That's why the thing that we should do is to make the most out of what's given to us. We really can't whine and cry over spilled milk because that won't bring the wasted milk back. Move on. Those are the 2 words that we should always keep in mind I guess.

But then again, moving on can be the most difficult thing to do. Being the humans we are, we don't let go of things easily; especially if its something that you desire and hope for the most. Desire is a very elusive thing. You would think that that's all there is to it, but sometimes, what you desire isn't everything at all. Perhaps that desire becomes something when it has managed to crawl up to the center of your self, successfully manifesting itself on everything else that you do, making it unbearable for you because you don't have it with you.

Ganito pala talaga, nakaka-baliw kasi di mo alam kung ano ang nangyayari sa kabilang kampo; pag nangangapa ka sa dilim at pag ayaw mong maniwala sa binubulong ng sarili mo sa isip mo. Mahirap palang maging humble at maging kampante sa kinalalagyan mo. Mas lalo ka palang lalabas na talunan kasi mas-inclined kang maging passive kasi wala kang paunang intuition sa kung anong nangyayari kaya't di mo alam kung kelan at papano ka kikilos. Ewan, mahirap talaga kasi lalo na pag alam mong ibang-iba yung mundong ginagalawan ng bawat tao, iba ang klaseng kapaligiran na bumabalot sa kanila kaya't minsan talagang nakaka-ilang talaga. Minsan gugustuhin mong sumuko kasi parang wala naman talagang nangyayari. Pero pag pasuko ka na, parating meron kang maaalala na pipigil sayo sa pag suko. Siguro mahina lang talaga ako sa ganitong mga bagay at baguhan lang talaga ako sa ganito. Pero, pag natapos na tong yugtong ito, ayoko na talaga.

pweh.

2005-05-30T23:51:00.000+08:00

pweh. no matter how hard we try to deny it, we are all living in a user-friendly community.

We all do this for our own self-serving purposes. It's always me, me, me, and guess what? ME! As long as someone is of some use to you, you keep them close to you, but when that person breaks, or becomes useless, he/she's as good as trash.

what a sad, tragic world we live in.

Its another whacked-up cycle where when the taker sees or obtains something/someone better; someone that serves his/her purpose better, you're gonna be discared like an obsolete pc. Yup, to the store room, you go, or worse, to the junk shop.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint and I don't use people. Well, as a matter of fact, I AM. In fact, I have horns as long as any other's horns. I guess that's karma for everyone, on the house, alright. Ack. Such is life I guess. Perhaps in order to survive, you have to feed on someone.

Right now, I'm feeling really really pissed because for one, the internet's too damn slow its taking ages to open a page. Another reason would be, USERS! ack. SMITE ME, OH MIGHTY SMITER!

TSSSSSSS.

Wow

2005-05-20T04:09:00.000+08:00

May 18, 2005 is probably one day that I would never be able to forget my entire life. The album launch of Greyhoundz is something that I can never forget my entire life. Our band, Bandido, played in front of the biggest crowd any band our age has ever played with- 4000 loud, wild, crazy and music-hungry people.

They were a tough crowd to please as Nino said they would be. They can give you the legendary “Keso” chant, something that would kill your band and shatter you to pieces because they’re cheering for another band, Keso, a band that’s one of the best bands nowadays in the Philippine Music Scene. They can also curse you and throw stuff at you until you went down the stage.

It was a good thing that the crowd liked our music. They went wild as well on our set. They crow-surfed, moshed like hell and went crazy while we played. The feeling that I had when I was standing there in front of those people was something that until now, I can’t still decipher. For some reason, being in front of them, being on stage, gives me some sort of power- an authority of some sort that overwhelms me. I had been very nervous when we started playing because before that night, the biggest crowd we’ve ever played for was 150 strong. As the set progressed, I, along with my band mates found ourselves loosening up and loving the moment.

It was a really inexplicable feeling. The rush that I felt even after our set was something I can never forget. Its as if I itched to go back to the stage and played some more.

The funny thing was, some time before the launch ended, Mio and I were walking around and then some people can to have their shirts signed. This was something entirely new for us. Overwhelmed, but disappointed not to have pens with us, we walked on. People were also calling out our band’s name and giving us a sign of approval whenever we walked around. They really did like our sound, which makes me feel relieved because a few nights before that I was really scared that they might not like how we played.

Of course, thanks to the houndz for giving us the opportunity to play during their album launch. It had been a really memorable experience and a really great exposure for our band that would probably help us get really somewhere in the future. That was the only event I could remember that I had been able to play with a lot of really known and respected musicians such as Kapatid, Radio Active Sago, Mayonnaise, Kampai and Sabon.

All in all, all that I could really say is... Wow.

Plugging

2005-05-17T02:41:00.000+08:00

I don't think I'd ever be able to set my eyes on a more magnificent book than these:

God, these books had really been the best books I've ever read. The way Lean Hearn had depicted the setting of the story would capture its readers and make them want more. The story itself is very interesting as it proves to give really interesting twists to spice up the whole story.

I managed to get a hold of the third installment, Brialliance of the Moon, 3 days ago and I was able to finish it yesterday morning. I got quite depressed and melancholic because the whole saga has come to an end. It's been a really fun time reading the books and I was left wanting for even more. I wonder if there are other books out there that's like these. Of course, there's still James Clavel's Shogun, Tai Pan, and Gai Jin, but the Tales of the Otori just seem to shine in a different way. In away that's more subtle, but more attractive.

*sigh*

***********

Huling hirit, COME AND WATCH! It would mean a lot for the houndz if you would come and watch! :P please do! It's gonna be a blast!

2005-05-13T08:18:00.000+08:00

Everyone! Please come and watch! It's gonna be really fun!!! =P

====

Last night was alright =P We had a gig in baywalk, a 60's theme gig, so we took it to ourselves to dress 60's. haha Mio looked like a cross between Pepe Smith and John Lenon. Yep, eat those brownies! =P HAHAHA I on the other hand looked like NPA. haha Hippie Rebel? Nah, hair's too short, and I wasn't stoned anyway. haha FaaaaAAAArrrouuuuut

===

I finished reading the 2nd book of the Tales of the Otori: Grass for His Pillow. God, its really nice. Right now, I'm craving for the 3rd book, Brilliance of the Moon, but, I'm broke!!!! demmet. Lian Hearn did a really good job building this atmosphere of Japan during those times where the warlords still existed and fought for land and power. And I really liked the way how she presented what would probably be Christianity in its early form in Japan, the Hidden and their secret God. I also liked how she depicted the problems the society faced then, how a commonfolk would treat an outcaste and how warriors hated people from the Hidden because of their beliefs. And last but not the least, her combat sequences were really nice!

After I read Brilliance of the Moon, I'm gonna finish Shogun, that I promise! haha I got lazy the last time I attempted to read that book, I didn't really like Blackthorn. But, the book, as people who have already read it said, has really depicted the Japanese culture then.

I want Brilliance of the Moon!!!!

Support OPM/Pamileeee

2005-05-08T11:52:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention,

If any of you are interested to grab a copy of Greyhoundz's newest alum, Apoy, you could order from me! =P I'm helping sell the album, or you could always grab one from the nearest record store!

Support OPM! Do not pirate pinoy music!

Please come and watch their album launch as well, on May 18 in Paskong Pasiklab, Commonwealth! (9:00 pm)

Bandido will be playing there too! Along with other bands such as Radioactive Sago Project. Please come and watch! =P It's gonna be a real blast!

====

Oh goodness, I love our house pets =P Right now, we have to crazy pets, both of them are dogs. One's a golden retriever, his name is Boggart! haha I'm proud to say that I'm the one that named this cute, yet sometimes insufferable furry/hairy fellow. My dico brought him home one day sometime last year. He was really scared then, he was in a new territory with unfamiliar people, he didn't even move from his place the whole night, he kept sitting there the whole time. I felt a bit bad for him, feeling quite alone out there, so I stayed out with him. It was a good thing that he was there in the living room, I was able to sleep in the couch.

Now, long after that night, he's been very lively. He and his play ball are almost inseperable that if you try to keep it from him, he'll be barking all day and night until he gets it back. If he knows you're the one that kept that ball, he's gonna be at your neck and he'd be hiding your slippers and be misplacing your socks. Yep! That's how playful this dog is. I sometimes find myself wrestling with this dog when I'm really bored. He's really really nice and he never bites.

The other dog, a puppy technically, came a few months ago, in replace of our old dog that passed away, Brianne. Her name's Tala, a French Poodle. Alright, before you make conclusions and say that all poodles are mean, this one's a keeper. She's like a living cotton ball. Whenever she runs, she bounces like a cotton ball getting dragged by the wind! I swear she's really adorable! Well, maybe except for those times when she's fresh from the vet and newly shaved. She looks like a living lollipop! Yep, like dogs her breed, she's very matapang; she barks more often than Boggart does. And believe it or not, Boggart's scared of her! haha, it would seem that Tala's the bigger bully since she's the one that keeps on gnawing Boggart whenever they play.

Because of these two dogs, getting stuck at home isn't that bad at all. I mean sure you'd run out of books to read, run out of shows to watch, get bored of using the computer, but you'll never tire from playing with these dogs! Yep, they're simply the best! =P Right now, it would seem that Tala has a cat for a lover! HAHAHA They sleep in the same bed at night and whenever its chow time, she always, always waits for that cat to come and dine with her!

I think I still have that curse though, that whenever I'd approach cats, they'd scram that very moment. Yes, I admit I was extremely mean to cats when I was a kid. I had that hidden bloodlust to make fun of them when I was young. It's a good thing I outgrew it though, I can't imagine myself putting cats inside jars for a week anymore. (but hey, I only did the jar thing once) Someone's gonna kill me when she reads about this part. I can tell.

=====

Another thing, I never realized how big our family has become. haha

that's my family. Yep, with the newly-weds; my sister deza (the one in pink on the left) and Arvin (the one in red above my sister). They got married last March.. during my prom. I wasn't able to attend. I feel bad in a way but it's alright, I wouldn't want to miss something that I would really regret as well. Next year, my eldest brother, eric (the one in yellow on the right) will be getting married too, to ate Aimee (the one in white below him). It's a good thing that the'y get married around December! =P At least now I don't have to worry about going to my grad ball next year! haha

God I look like I lost my eyes in this picture. haha

I wonder who's next after my eldest brother? HAHAHA Patay tayo diyan.

2005-05-08T02:26:00.000+08:00

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

Heavy Metal: Highest Influence

Hair Bands: High Influence

Progressive Rock: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Medium Influence

Alternative Rock: Medium Influence

Classic Rock: Medium Influence

Punk: Medium Influence

Ska: Medium Influence

80's R&B: Low Influence

Adult Alternative: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Your #1 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #4 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #5 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

Taxi In the Philippines

2005-05-07T14:28:00.000+08:00

I went with my brother to go mall hopping earlier for his last minute shopping for beach clothes. Damn it's so hot! Parang ipprito ko ng buhay pag naglalakad ka sa labas! Rar.

Anyway, in the cab on our way home, I was kinda falling asleep already because of the heat and everything, then I heard one of the most hilarious conversations ever. You know how these cabs have those walkie-talkie thinamajiger? Well, here goes:

*radio talk*
cab driver: ano ba to? animol o animal?
head quarters: baka alimall
cab driver: taragis! san ba yan?
head quarters: sa cubao, sa may araneta. nasan ka ba?
cab driver: sus ginoo! umabot kami ng maynila eh.
head quarters: teka, san mo ba dinala?
cab driver: sa manila zoo, akala ko gusto ng animal eh.

damn. hahaha I'm willing to bet the passenger was a foreigner or something. haha

2005-05-07T10:04:00.000+08:00

Yep, I think I did jump into conclusions that I was ready to close some stuff in this point of time. I guess Sabs and Klar was right about that part. It takes a consistent, concious effort. That's something that I'm not yet willing to give for that matter. Somehow I still want to feel the pleasure of that thing, but the shitty part can really take its toll on you.

Anyway, moving on from that, I was in Katipunan yesterday, like any other day I guess. Nino gave us a talk about how Bandido should really push through with the EP. So far, we already have 5 songs. 2 of these, "salamin" and "sandali" are already being used in our normal gig line-up. We were supposed to play the 3rd song during the Freedom Bar gig last Tuesday, but then again, it got cancelled because Freedom Bar didn't have electricity. The 4th and 5th are already done as well, the only thing left to do for these two songs is to fit the lyrics in the riffs. I never knew that when you record for an actual EP, recording for a single song takes around 2k! So, given that we push through with recording our EP, we'd be spending pretty much around 10k!

Holy Gulay.

But, Nino said that those expenses are well worth it since the EP would be a very useful bargaining chip to get more gigs. Because when you have an EP, the producers themselves would be able to hear a sample of your band's sound and all. Which makes it really easier since that's a more dependable alternative than having to rely solely on hearsay or whatever. You might be wondering though why spend 2k for a song when you could just record your EP in a home studio or something that wouldn't cost that much. According to Nino, if you're going to do that, you'll be doing a demo cd, not an EP. Because that 2k per song thing makes a whole lot of difference because the of the equipment that you'd be using to record would be if not the best, the one of the best. Aside from that, you'd have your songs recorded with the help of a very able tech, who plays a vital role in making the sound of your records really tight.

So, given that we are able to race around 10k by the end of May, we could be able to release our EP this May. Anybody there kind enough to pitch some cash? HAHAHA

I want to watch Star Warrrrrrsssss!!!

Okay, Mio's into house music, I have to find something too. HAHA

I wonder how it really was during the ancient times. I want to get a first hand experience on how life was during the time where the Egyptian Civilization was the most powerful civilization, or how it was during the time of the Roman Empire, when Octavius ruled Rome and when the whole Tokugawa Era took place in Japan. Oh yes, of course! I'd want to know how it was during the Mongolian Empire! I've heard so much from people on how mighty that Empire was. Word has it that a trader would be able to travel the whole of the Mongolian Empire without worrying of getting mugged. Tigas! Imagine how scared the people were to defy their ruler, the Khans.

Looking back, especially when you take a closer look at the architecture back then, I can't help but think that the people went to some sort of amnesia. The hight, the majesty, and in the intricacy of the temples, and sacred shrines during those times were incomparable. The structures nowadays would seem like child's play for the architects during those times. I wonder what happened...

Nawr Sulleeeeeeeeh

2005-05-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

So much for having that high and praising God for having that Epiphany. Clarity lasts for only a moment. After that, you come crashing back to the ground. And you realize, there wasn't an epiphany. You still feel the same and you're still you. Somehow, it's stuck in my system. And it won't leave you no matter what you do.

IF you try to forget it, leave it alone or something, SOMEHOW, it manages to get a hand at you. You can't seem to distance yourself from it. Instead, it grows on you even more. Just when you think its over, it starts to get even deeper.

IF you try to saturate yourself with it, i grows deeper! The heck! Its as if there's something that keeps you unconciously tied to the feeling. There's nothing you could even do to stop it.

The thing that sucks when closure loses its grip on you is that the feeling you had before you got closure comes slapping back with 10times its normal intensity. Meaning, the feeling of liking her returns 10times stronger, the depression you get from it returns 10times stronger too.

Pusang Ama.

What do I need to do to get this over with?

2005-05-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Okay, I don't know what happened. The clarity that overwhelmed me a couple of days ago when I had that Epiphany was gone. Now, everything's slapping me right back in the face. It feels great and annoyingly painful at the same time. So, I guess I should take back everything that I said in that previous post because, its all coming back to me and the feeling I had back then was a thing of the past already. Man, this thing is so unescapable. Whatever I do, it just stays with me. I know its getting bad, and its strating to destroy me. But, I don't know how to do away with it.

Space Travel and My Epiphany

2005-05-03T15:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I packed my space suit and went to Katipunan for lauching. I was off to embark on a journey to outerspace and into the deepest reaches; Pluto! I met up with Anon Magsaysay, and Miguel de Quiros, my fellow travellers as we make our final preparations before heading to our shuttle, the MRT.

And so, we took our shuttle ride to the Planet Saturn, which is known by its inhabitants as Makati. Having to stop over there to wait for the Plutonian convoy, our team tagged along with EJ Atilano, a fellow traveller, seeking passage to Pluto as well.

And so 10 minutes after we settled down, the Plutonian shuttle came, with the Plutonian, Yeni Raboca, on board(haha peace tayo!) Having boarded the shuttle, we still waited for other fellow travellers, Pael Supangco, Arvin Salvador, and Mirei Ong. So, as they joined us, we set out on a 4000000000000000000000000000000-lightyear journey to Pluto! =P

We passed "Moonville" "SunValley" And "Barangay Milkyway" Ayos ba? hahaha

Anyway, enough of that, I went t0 Paranaque with DQ and the others to watch their band practice. I hope they do well later! =P

Anyway, around 5:30, the ambassador of Planet Earth transmitted an intergallactic holograpich message that I have to return to Planet Earth ASAP or else the Embassy's army shall be sent after my head.

(This is where the Epiphany started) Along the way, I had lots and lots of time to think. Well, aside from learning how to actually commute to and from Paranaque, I've had lots and lots of time to analyze my actions and whatnot.

Now, all I can say is that I feel as if something heavy was lifted away from my chest. I feel...free, lightheaded and happy. The scars of depression has finally left me. Now, I feel revitalized in many ways. A fool, yes, that's what I was back then. I still am now, but I was just too plain stupid back then. I wasn't in control of my judgement and emotions. I kept on following my heart without having any consent from my mind. Following your heart would lead you to a lot of suffering if you get blinded by its promises. I'm not saying its bad to follow your heart, what I'm saying is it's bad to follow only your heart. That's why you have a brain, kiddo. "Think before you act" Follow your heart, but think with your brain. USE YOUR BRAIN.

I think this whole experience I had for quite some time had been very fruitful to say the least. I've been able to change my self from a useless bum to someone that can take harsh realities better. Although a lot of pain and suffering came along the way, the whole journey was worth the cost. I can say that I'm a lot better a person now than I was a whole year before.

I'm now closing this chapter of my life, and ready to start on a new one, just like what I did a year ago, when I decided to take on this path. Now, I will do it once again to seek for greener pastures. Focus on the things that I'll be needing more.

Romance can wait. I have all my life for that.

2005-05-02T10:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a whole month now, and I'm still stuck with my glam music phase. Maybe it's not a phase at all. I love 90's music so much, especially Guns n' Roses, Skidrow and all the other bands. I really wish I grew up during those days, it would be so much fun!

Mio's back from Boracay, which means Bandido's back with a full roster for the May 3 gig in Freedom Bar. Please come and watch! We'll appreciate it very much if you guys can come! It's in Anonas Complex! I think Mayonnaise and Fuseboxx will be playing there too, along with those Emo bands that we got to play with in Rizal Ave. Yeni's band will be playing too!

Arg my room is such a mess. I haven't been able to fix my things lately, its either I'm asleep, busy using the computer or out of the house nowadays. So much for thinking I'd be rotten at home. Well, at some point I was, okay. So, I guess I'm done having my fair share of lonely days and nights. HAHA what a term.

Alright, since Mio posted this on his blog, I think it won't hurt if I did the same haha

GIG SCHEDULES! =P Please come and watch us!

May 3 - Freedom Bar, Anonas (Anonas Complex)

May 12 - Baywalk, Manila (60s theme!)

May 16 - Makati Sports Grill

May 17 - Metrowalk

May 18 - G4 Makati

May 21 - Eastwood (80s theme!)

May 28 - Padi's Point, Monumento

So much for me and Mio thinking that we'd have no gigs at all come April. We didn't really expect to have so many gigs for April and May, moreover, we never did expect to make it in Pulp's campus and bar tour! Somehow, I can now say I'm living parts of my dream. I wonder when we could start recording though, everyone's been asking if we had cd's or something. haha I feel bad whenever I say "wala pa eh, we don't have that much songs yet to record an ep" Well, that can only mean one thing, to the drawing board, boys!

So far, we've got 2 originals down, the 3rd one is nearly finished and we have 2 new riffs to process. So, given that these go without any interruption or any problems, we might be able to start recording an ep within this month! Yahoo!!!! I kinda want to hear us also play. I've always been curious at how we fared.

Wow, its really quiet right now. It's usually noisy here at home.

Oh I know why, I don't have any music on. Hahaha

Okay, first of all, I don't believe those quizzes I took were accurate. haha Hot my ass. I'm not fishing, I'm just being truthful, ISSA.

I wanna watch Marty Friedman's guitar clinic! It's on the 26th in Hardrock. Arg, MIO! RYAN! PAENG! LET'S WATCH, DEMMET!

I have the wierdest body clock, I swear. I don't sleep at all. Well, I don't sleep during sleeping hours. haha I even catch Sam going to sleep nowadays, back then, I'd always, always turn in before she does. haha Now, she's the one that turns in first! haha Some achievement, huh?

Who wants to watch Starwars? LET'S WATCH!!! I wanna see if the fight scenes are better and if that Anakin actor can actually act now. God, I swear, eversince Darth Maul left the story line, the fight scenes sucked. Well, how he and Qui Gon died sucked too. They should get a better fight scence director if ever they decide to do the 3rd saga, which is the continuation of Episode 6. When Luke Skywalker was the head of the Jedi Order. Okay, I'll stop now.

2005-05-02T09:56:00.000+08:00

this has got to be the most kick-ass smiley ever.
Posted by Hello

2005-05-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Writer
You will be worth	$112,324
Everyone will think you	are really hot

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Aba. gaguhan na ata to eh. haha

2005-04-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	ten!
your best quality is	youre hot but modest about it
your worst quality is	you want what you cant have
this is because	youre unique

Quiz created with MemeGen!

The hell.

1-2 punch!

2005-04-26T01:24:00.000+08:00

Si Onyok Velasco, Jerry Penalosa, Luisito Espinosa at Manny Pacquiao. Sila'y mga taong nagsisilbing mga huwaran, mga idolo, at mga nagdala ng dangal sa pangalan ng bansa natin ngayon. Dala nila ang pangalan ng ating bansa sa kanilang pagtapak sa ibang bansa, sa pagsabak sa boksing.

Tila ang boksing na ata ang pinaka-maimpluwensyang uri ng palakasan dito sa bansa. Marahil ay ang sanhi nito ay maaring ituring kabahagi na rin ito ng ating kultura, at ng pang-araw-araw na buhay. Ang karaniwan kasing napapa-subok sa pagboboksing ay ang mga nasa probinsya at kapos-palad. Sila'y may kani-kanilang mga paraan sa pag-eensayo. Minsan nama'y mayroong mga mabubuting loob na siyang tumutulong sa mga nagpupursiging mga boksingero sa kanilang pag-eensayo. Isa na lamang sa mga halimbawa nito'y ang isang dating boksingerong naka-tira sa Bacolod. Siya'y nakapag-pundar ng sapat na pera upang magpatayo ng mga gamit pang-ensayo sa bakuran ng kanyang bahay. Ang lugar pang-ensayong ito ay bukas sa kahit sinong batang nagnanais na matutong magboksing. Maraming mga batang nagpupunta dito araw-araw upang mag-ensayo. Ang may ari naman ng tahanan na ito'y hindi kasi humihingi ng kahit na anong bayad sa mga nakiki-gamit ng mga pang-ensayo. Para sa kanya, sapat na ang makitang ang mga batang nag-eensayo rito'y unti-unting nahuhubog bilang isa sa mga maaaring magiging pambato ng ating bansa sa hinaharap.

Ngunit, kailangan nating tanggapin na ang palakasan ay di napag-tutuonan ng pansin ng ating bansa. Maraming mga dating atleta na naging matagumpay sa palakasan na ngayo'y naghihirap na. Kakulangan sa pondo at programa ang naging rason para dito. Sa kasalukuyan, wala pang programa ang pamahalaan para sa mga dating atleta ng Pilipinas, kulang rin ang pondo nito para bigyan ng pa-sustento ang mga atleta ngayon. Dahil dito, marami sa kanila ay naghihirap dahil sa puspusang pag-eensayo ngunit wala naman silang natatanggap na sustento mula sa gobyerno na siyang magagamit sana nila para sa kanilang mga pangangailangan. Sabi nga nila, kung susukatin lang sa sipag at tiyaga, marahil ay ang mga atletang pinoy na ang mga pinaka-magaling na atleta sa mundo. Nagkatalo raw talaga sa pasilidad at sa pondo kaya't heto't napag-iiwanan ng ibang bansa ang pilipinas sa palakasan.

Totoo nga na ang palakasan nalang marahil ang isa sa mga salik na kung saan nakaka-sabay ang pilipino sa ibang mga malalakas na bansa. Napatunayan ito sa pagtagumpay ng mga atleta nating sina Pacquiao at Espinosa na kung saan sila'y nakikipag-sapalaran sa ibang bansa, tinatanggap ang hamon ng ibang lupa upang ipagbunyi ang karangalan ng bansa sa pagpanalo sa boksing. Tunay ngang karapat-dapat silang ipagmalaki. Dahil kahit sa dami ng mga balakid na siyang humaharang sa kanila, tinahak nila ang daan na alam nilang di isang biro at sila'y nagtagumpay sa larangan na ito.

Sa Wakas Natapos Rin!

2005-04-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

a.) Post the names of 20 of your favorite musicians. (I copied Sabs' format since that one's more suitable. haha)
b.) See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
c.) Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.

1. Incubus - When It Comes (Miguel de Quiros)
2. Racer X - Fire of Rock (Ryan McCoy)
3. Dream Theater - Solitary Shell (Mio Paredes)
4. Silverchair - Emotion Sickness (Anjo Castro)
5. The Dawn - Harapin Ang Liwanag (Anjo Castro)
6. Metallica - Until It Sleeps (Ryan McCoy) [damn, i really love this song!]
7. Wolfgang - Center of the Sun (Sam Monzon)
8. Guns n' Roses - Paradise City (Ephraim Leynes)
9. P.O.T - Panaginip (Miguel de Quiros)
10. Thursday - Standing On the Edge of Summer (Miguel de Quiros)
11. Liquid Tension Experiment - Paradigm Shift (Mio Paredes) [obviously may tama ka. haha]
12. Joe Satriani - Love Thing (Ephraim Leynes)
13. Steve Vai - The Crying Machine (Mio Paredes) [yes, the rocky theme song! haha]
14. Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover (Ephraim Leynes)
15. Sugarfree - Limbo (Miguel de Quiros) [tama ka na!!! hahaha]
16. Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (Ryan McCoy) [one more for the whiteboy redneck!!! hahaha!]
17. Cardigans - Your New Cuckoo (Issa Perez de Tagle) [ayos ah, isang hulaan lang!]
18. Rage Against the Machine - Sleep Now In the Fire (Ephraim Leynes)
19. Razorback - Minsan Lang (Mio Paredes) [i looooove this song!]
20. Happy Meals - Of Lovestories and Car Crashes (Sansan Vazquez)

Wooohoooo! Ayos! =P Thanks!

2005-04-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

Ohh, so paparatzi's the one that said "Rock music is the devil's tool". tsk tsk. haha Sorry, got that term from Mio. Alright, let's be respectful, Pope Benedict XVI.

Nothing happened last night. I swear!

Damn, I miss having brainfarts. haha

Oh, I'm such a copycat. haha I got these when I was blog hopping. haha

if i were a month, i would be: december! chritmas means gifts! nyahaha
if i were a day of the week, i would be: friday
if i were a time of day, i would be: 4pm
if i were a planet, i would be: pluto =P
if i were a sea animal, i would be: shark
i were a direction, i would be: forward
if i were a sin, i would be: lust
if i were a historical figure, i would be: octavius
if i were a liquid, i would be: extra joss =P
if i were a bird, i would be: a tucan
if i were a flower, i would be: a sunflower
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: sunny and windy
if i were a mythical creature, i would be: a unicorn! (god, how gay can i be?) no really, a wyvern
if i were a musical instrument, i would be: a guitar
if i were a color, i would be: white
if i were an emotion, i would be: depressed (EMO!!! nyahaha)
if i were a vegetable, i would be: baby corn
if i were a fruit, i would be: an avocado
if i were a sound, i would be: the sound of the final bell for the dismissal on the last day of school
if i were a song, i would be: mr.big - green-tinted sixties mind
if i were a movie, i would be: untouchables
if i were a book, i would be: across the nightingale floor
if i were a food, i would be: PANCIT CANTON!
if i were a dessert, i would be: halo-halo
if i were a place, i would be: a beach
if i were a material, i would be: pen
if i were a taste, i would be: sweet and bitter at the same time
if i were a scent, i would be: an open green field untainted by man
if i were an object, i would be: a doormat
if i were a body part, i would be: a heart
if i were a facial expression, i would be: a lop-sided grin
if i were a subject in school, i would be: free time

>top 3 fictional places you want to visit:
1]valinor
2]willy wonka's chocolate factory
3]minas tirith

>top 3 existing places you want to visit:
1]buckingham palace
2]oxford
3]tibet

>top 3 weapons you want to master:
1]katana
2]bow
3]quarterstaff

>top 3 bands or musicians:
1]steve vai
2]dream theater
3]mr. big

>top 3 instruments you want to be good at:
1]violin
2]guitar
3]piano

>top 3 songs that you love right now:
1]mr big - green-tinted sixties mind
2]dream theater - another day
3]until you suffer some - poison

>top 3 super powers you want:
1]the force!
2]flight
3]invisibility

>top 3 foods you could eat everyday for a year:
1]pancit canton
2]maki
3]sashimi

>top 3 writers or artists you like:
1]tolkien
2]lian hearn
3]james clavel

>top 3 books or comics:
1]shogun - james clavel
2]tales of the otori - lian hearn
3]sandman - neil gaiman

>top 3 comic strips:
1]calvin and hobbes
2]pugad baboy
3]kingdom come

>top 3 cartoon shows:
1]looney toons
2]transformers
3]voltron v

>top 3 movies you love:
1]my sassy girl! wahhooooo
2]the untouchables
3]lord of the rings

>top 3 cartoon characters you'd like to be:
1]optimus prime
2]dexter
3]hajime saito

>top 3 movie charcters you'd like to be:
1]aragorn!
2]rocky balboa
3]captain jack sparrow

>top 3 people(dead or alive) you'd like to have coffee and conversation with:
1]tolkien
2]ninoy aquino
3]miguel tinio

>top 3 occupations you'd want to have:
1]samurai warrior
2]astronaut
3]musician

>top 3 quotes or sayings you like or like using:
1]"f*cker"
2]"Aha!"
3]"right"

>top 3 fictional monsters or creatures:
1]dragons
2]chimera
3]unicorns

>top 3 beverages:
1]iced tea
2]beer
3]iced milo

>top 3 flavors of ice cream:
1]very rocky road
2]avocado
3]cookies n cream

>top 3 things you do when you are bored:
1]write
2]discman/walkman
3]sleep

>top 3 things you have to have with you:
1]guitar pick
2]pen
3]paper

>top 3 animals you'd like to have as pets:
1]a white lion
2]an eagle
3]a wolf